


'So, you’re suggesting...I post...?'

by imadethisaccountforshirbert



Series: So you're suggesting I post? [1]
Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: 1 Comment 10 Prayers 4 Gil, 1 Kudos 1 Prayer 4 Gil, A LOT of Angst, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anne is in MAJOR denial, Crying Gil, Devastated Gil, F/M, Falling In Love, Gil may cry, He's ready to risk it all, Heartbroken Gil, I wanted to "fix" everything in this fic, I wanted to fix everything, I was wrong, I'm so happy that Anne really did mention Ruby, Idiots in Love, In love Gil, Romance, Sad Gil, Teen Romance, This boy is ready for marriage, Thomas had never seen such a mess, Why Did I Write This?, Young Love, be prepared, but Anne led me astray, confused Anne, i'm sorry guys, it's all Anne's fault, please don't be mad at Anne, poor gil, the writers were right, this is a mess™, what have I done?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2020-11-08 18:04:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 21,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20839748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imadethisaccountforshirbert/pseuds/imadethisaccountforshirbert
Summary: What would have happened if, during the “Take Notice” scene, Anne hadn’t mentioned Ruby? Soley based in the AWAE universe and on their take of Lucy Maud Montgomery’s characters.





	1. to lose all my senses, that is just so typically me

It seemed that after nearly three years in Avonlea, having been through all that she had, there was only one thing that Anne Shirley-Cuthbert could not bear to tolerate. Was it that ridiculous Billy Andrews? Certainly not! Anne had long learned to pass no worthy remarks on his detestable behaviour. Was it, then, Josie Pye’s sly and subtle jibes at her looks and heritage? You may think, but no, they no longer had any affect on Anne’s mood, nor, surprisingly, her opinion of herself. Surely, with these things considered, there was nothing in the world that could leave her upset! And yet, there still remained one single thing that could shatter her spirits almost instantaneously. That thing was, none other than, seeing Ruby Gillis cry.

Such a small thing? Why, it happened often enough! One might think that Anne would have become desensitised to such bouts of distress, much like the others in the group. But when Anne saw tears prick up in those saucer-like eyes, and that sweet voice wobble in an alarming mewl, she couldn’t stand it! The whole scenario was akin to witnessing a tiny puppy being beaten, or watching the wings being torn off a beautiful butterfly. So, when Ruby confided her frustrations to the girls, about a certain someone having failed in making his intentions known toward her, Anne was quite certain that she had to do whatever in her power to intervene effectively. With a sigh, she discreetly looked towards Diana, before rushing over to comfort a blubbering Ruby.

‘_ Come _on, Ruby!’ Anne encouraged softly, gently twisting Ruby’s body towards her own, hoping the other girl would come to mirror her positivity. ‘I bet I can help!’, she smiled at her pouting friend. Anne beckoned her towards the classroom, already mentally preparing ways to soften the situation. She spotted Gilbert almost immediately, his head in a book, as per usual. The two were still tied, neck and neck at the top of the class. She reminded herself to keep on top of her studies, for it wouldn’t take much for her to fall back again. There was no way she was falling behind Gilbert, not a chance.

‘Right’, she reminded herself, her focus soon back on track, ‘alright so, he’s just come in, he obviously -’

‘Good morning, Anne!’

‘Oh, Good morning’, Anne acknowledged a rather perky Charlie Sloane, before resuming her attention back to her fretting friend. No matter how pressing a situation, she was never one to be discourteous and ignore a friendly greeting. ‘- Gilbert obviously doesn’t know about the take notice board, yet. Now, what I’m going to do is go over there and make _ sure _ he does. Everything will be fine. Please, _ please _, don’t be upset. You just wait! Okay?’ Anne nodded encouragingly, watching as a dismal, but now stable, Ruby walked over to her desk.

‘Good morning’, Anne calmly approached Gilbert, fully ready to broach the subject. Gilbert sprung up from his desk, closing his paperback in the process. Anne was almost about to ask about what he was reading, but soon stopped herself.

'Good morning!' Gilbert breathed, even perkier than Charlie had been. How curious the boys were acting!

Anne got straight to the point, class was starting soon and there was no time to waste. ‘I don’t know if you’re aware, but the old take notice board is active again’, she began.

‘Take notice?’ Gilbert queried, eyebrow raised in encouragement, a clear prompt for her to continue. So Gilbert didn’t know! That would be of some comfort to Ruby, now to explain...

‘Yes! Of someone. As in, you post on the board when you want to let someone know that you’ve _ taken notice _’. Gilbert appeared intrigued, so, without missing a beat, she quickly carried on. ‘It’s a way to make a casual declaration,’ his eyebrow shot right up, ‘a quiet attention…’

‘To someone you like…?’

‘Yes! Not so pointed as to be alarming and not so vague as to not be understood’, Anne happily explained. Now he was getting it!

‘A post in advance...of a _ proper _ advance!’ Gilbert nodded eagerly, pleased at the shared understanding.

‘Exactly! Because, all of these little notices matter, when you want to let someone know that you’re... thinking ahead…’

Thinking ahead? Thinking ahead. Anne’s words rushed out before she even had time to properly consider them. She had been so caught up in everything, the notice board..., Ruby’s unhappiness..., that she hadn’t stopped to think on what it all really meant. These little notices were the beginning of something far more serious. Something dangerous and terrifying. The beginning of a promise, a declaration of intention, which could only lead to one thing.

‘...To…’ Gilbert attempted to finish her sentence, the way he was looking at her, so intimately,_ imploringly _, searching her eyes for something, anything, made Anne’s heart stop, ‘...their future together?’

‘Yes…’, she breathed, so quietly that she wasn’t sure if Gilbert heard. Her heart had begun beating again, but this time so violently that she could both hear and feel it. She couldn’t speak, she couldn’t move, she couldn’t do _anything_. She was paralysed. The realisation had dawned on her too late. Gilbert was thinking about _her._ _Him_ and her. _Their_ future. Together.

It had all gone too far. How did she end up here? How could it all have gone so wrong? Gilbert continued talking, oblivious to her internal crisis. How could she rail this all back? What could she do? She needed to do _ something _. Mention Ruby, somehow. She needed to get his mind off of the dangerous path that it was on. But there was no way to break. No way that wouldn’t result in a disastrous crash.

‘So, you’re suggesting...I post?’

_ No! _ Anne wanted to scream, _ Not me! Ruby! Post about Ruby! _

But Gilbert’s expression, soft and hopeful as he neared her, left her unable to form words. For many moments, she remained speechless, her mouth slightly agape, her eyes never leaving Gilbert’s. Oh, but his eyes! His impossibly _ captivating _ eyes. She had always thought they were brown, you see, but she was now decided that there were, in fact, hazel. How could she have never noticed such a simple, yet key, detail? The girls were right, he was indeed handsome, undeniably so, with a fine chin and expressive eyebrows. _ Dreamy _, just as Diana had described him all those years ago. Anne didn’t know what possessed her, goodness knows, she wished she could have stopped herself. Somehow, not of her own accord, her head began to nod, slow and decided.

‘Yes’, she answered, gasping in shock as the reply left her mouth. 

Not daring to look at his reaction, she turned her heel and rushed over to her desk.

_ What had she done? _

_ Ruby. _

‘Did you see his face?’ Ruby hissed as soon as Anne approached her.

‘Ruby I -' 

‘Did you see his face when you were talking about me? Do you see how he’s _ still _ looking at me?’

Every hint of unhappiness was long gone from Ruby’s lovely visage, and had instead been replaced by pure, unbridled delight. 

‘I - _ what _?’

‘Look!’ Ruby squealed, motioning behind Anne.

It was no sooner than Anne had turned her head to face in Gilbert’s direction that her footing was nearly lost. Gilbert was staring right at her. His eyes filled with such outrageously untoward devotion that it was almost painful to look at. She was instantly hit with a memory of the day that Prissy Andrews was to be married. He had looked at her once like this before. Though it had made her uncomfortable, she had never thought anything of it, assuming he was secretly laughing at her, or even trying to wind her up. But this was far more than she could fathom, for now his expression was unmistakable. 

She wanted to run out of the room, return home to Green Gables and never come back to school again. Never have to look at Gilbert again. Never have to have him look at _ her _ again. Oh, what had she done? Had she really ruined everything? A sudden flare of temper gave her the courage to stare back at him right back, her face warning him to stop. Disastrously, this had the opposite effect. He continued to stare back, now smiling brightly in rapture, as if she were something divinely beautiful, as if he would be content to do so for the rest of his life.

_ But isn’t that what she’d just suggested to him? _

‘His eyes are so full of romance. I could die happy right now!’ Ruby’s overwhelming excitement cut Anne from her horrified trance.

‘His eyes?’ Anne whispered, still slightly dazed.

‘Look, now he’s smiling at me! Oh Anne, he’s so in love with me. I almost can’t bear it!” Ruby squealed, “And to think I was so worried. How could I have been so silly? You were right, Anne!’

If it were not for the sudden sweet relief of it all, Anne would have been very worried about Ruby’s mental state. But all that mattered, for now, was that Ruby didn’t know. Sweet, innocent, beautiful Ruby didn’t know, and that is _ exactly _ how Anne intended it to remain. All she could do now was smile and nod. Smile, nod and not say a single word. 

‘I wonder when he’s going to post for me? Oh, it will have to be soon by the looks of it!’ 

‘Ruby, wait!’ _ Think Anne, think, think, think, _ ‘Gilbert’s...not really a “take notice” kind of guy. A-at least…, that’s what he told me. He’s...not like the other boy’s. It’s just not hi -’

‘Oh, how_ romantic! _’, Ruby cut her off, ‘He’s obviously waiting for the right time to approach me. Just look at his face! Why, his feelings are so strong that he can’t bear to admit them in such a simple and obvious way. I know that now!’.

‘Y-yes. Yes, o-of course!’ Anne stuttered, desperately trying to hide her nerves.

Everything was hanging on by a very thin thread. Maybe, just maybe, Anne dared to think, she could fix this. But one wicked little detail threatened to throw everything off balance and destroy the delicate peace. And who, might you ask, was to throw a spanner in the works? None other than Gilbert Blythe himself, getting up, giving her_ that _ look and walking right over towards her. 

_ No, no, no, no, no, no, no. _

‘Good morning, everyone!’

_ Thank all that is good for the beautiful miracle that was Miss Stacey! _

The sigh that left Anne was both heavy and audible. 'Good morning, Miss Stacey!' she rejoiced, earning a few strange looks from those around her, as she was even more enthusiastic than usual. But Anne didn’t care about having drawn attention from others. For all was not lost, at least, not yet.

‘Perhaps we should begin with Algebra today. Not very romantic, but maybe that’s a good thing’.

Anne had never been so excited about Mathematics in her life.

****

The rest of the class was torment, but thank goodness Ruby sat right behind her. Sweet Ruby remained blissfully unaware, as she batted her eyelashes towards her would-be beau and giggled with Josie. Anne felt unwell. If only she had just said no. If only she had mentioned Ruby. If only she could go back in time. But she had made her bed, and there was no going back now, not ever. 

Anne never left Ruby’s side for the whole day. Even going so far as to beg her dearest Diana to switch places with Ruby during Newspaper Editing. The hurt on her bosom friends face was worse than any kind of physical pain that Anne could imagine. She insisted that she would explain the situation to Diana later. That was, at least, if she had come to understand it herself. For goodness sake, why did she want to _ scream _ at him to stop looking at her like that whilst simultaneously never wanting him to stop? 

_ What? _

Not that she liked him! No, certainly not. She had no feelings, nor intentions, towards Gilbert Blythe that escaped the bounds of friendship. This was all just some terrible, unfortunate mistake.

Now only the Queen’s study group was left behind. She practically _begged_ Josie to let her sit next to Ruby, and was resorting to all kinds of flattery. So much so, she very nearly sacrificed her dignity in the process! The heavens were on her side, though, as Josie agreed, but not before insisting that Anne complete a sizeable chunk of her next assignment, as well as offer up all of her home baking for a week. It was a price that Anne was very willing to pay. It seemed that Josie was equally satisfied the compliments Anne had so eagerly showered upon her, and had now begun scribbling down two brand new “Take-Notices” for herself. One of which praised her “angelic face”.

_ Oh, the _ ** _ lengths_ ** _ she was going! _

It seemed that there was hardly any “study” going on during this group session at all. The whole class was now in a “Take-Notice” frenzy. Sounds of paper tearing and pens rapidly scratching filled Anne’s ears no end. Fearful of what Gilbert was doing, she had a quick glance in his direction. As luck would have it, he was the only one in class studying intently. And yet, a secret smile gently lingered on his perfect lips.

_ Perfect? _

Anne folded her face in her arms. Ruby had talked about dying happily earlier, well, Anne would be beyond grateful if the earth just swallowed her whole right now. What was going on? She _ didn’t _ like Gilbert. _ She didn’t, she didn’t, she didn’t, she did - _

‘Anne, are you alright?’

The sudden sound of Miss Stacey’s voice made her jump.

‘Miss Stacey! Oh, I’m so sorry…I didn’t mean...’, Anne’s eyes scanned the empty classroom. ‘W-where is everyone?’

‘Anne…’, Miss Stacey’s voice betrayed concern. ‘Class ended two minutes ago’.

‘Wha -’

‘Anne, I know what you said earlier, but I’m afraid that you’re _ not _ alright. In fact, I don’t think you are at all. I put you in a very uncomfortable position today, and I know that it must’ve affected you somewhat’.

The assumption left Anne totally puzzled. The event which Miss Stacey was specifying was the _ furthest _thing from her mind right now. 

‘Miss Stacey, no -’

‘No, please Anne, I know it must have. I’m so sorry for putting you on the spot like that, truly I am. It was inconsiderate and insensitive of me. Please, if there’s anything I can - ’

‘Please, _ please _ Miss Stacey. Please, believe me. I’m not upset! Not about that’, Anne reassured her dear teacher.

Miss Stacey didn’t look entirely convinced. Still, she didn’t press the issue any further ‘If you so insist,’ she resigned, ‘I’m going to be grading papers in the next room. Please, feel free to stay a little longer. And, if you decide you want to talk, I’m here. I mean it, Anne’.

Anne smiled gratefully as she watched her beloved teacher leave, quite touched by her worry. It wasn’t until she heard laughter from outside that she realised not everyone had gone home. In fact, it appeared _ everyone _ from their study group was out there. But why - 

_ No. _

_ The notice board. _

_ The post. _

_ Gilbert’s post. _

_ Ruby. _

‘Gilbert?’ Anne whispered to herself, before reality really set in, _ ‘ _ Gilbert? _ Gilbert!’, _she called out hysterically. In a state, she ran out to the cloak room and swung open the door.

_ ‘Anne?’ _

_ **** _

Anne felt two protective hands clutch her waist, the warmth of them instantly calmed her. She whipped round, her braids stinging her face in the process. Not that she cared, though, for the mere sight of him, right before her, was overwhelming. There he was, looking at her in that way which he should never look at her. Speaking her name as if it were sacred. Had his arms always been so strong? Had he always been so tall?

_ Speak, Anne, for goodness sake, speak! _

‘Gilbert I -’

‘What’s wrong?’ Gilbert’s blissful expression changed to troubled. ‘You’re shaking…’ he whispered, stroking her freckled cheek with his thumb. The look of tender concern in his eyes made her want to cry. For whatever strange reason, it felt so bizarre and wrong to be treated this way. Especially by Gilbert Blythe.

‘I’m fine. Gil -’, she gulped, not quite managing to get his name out. 

Oddly, this seemed to delight him even more. He sighed, smiling softly as he began to play with one of her braids. He seemed to take a strange amount of pleasure in such a simple thing. There was nothing overtly improper about the exchange, but Anne couldn’t bear the gentle intensity of it. She had to look down.

‘Anne?’ he whispered, she’d never heard him speak her name so_ delicately _ before. ‘Anne, _ please _ tell me what’s wrong’, he pleaded, simultaneously soft and stern. He turned up her chin, to face him directly, left hand still firm on her waist. The action made her face burn. She must have appeared as red as a tomato, or at least now in more ways than one. 'Is it because of earlier, about “Getting to Know You”?’ he bent his head in query. The whole thing was completely unfair, how on earth could he expect her to _ speak? _

‘What? No, no, no. Gilbert - ’, Anne shook her head so rigorously that her braids swung. ‘Why is…? No, it’s nothing to do with that’.

‘Then what?’ he insisted. If she wasn’t so nervous, she would have scolded him, why was he prying so incessantly into her most secret matters?

‘Have you - ‘, Anne began, trying to find the right words. ‘You haven’t...you haven’t posted a- a “Take-Notice”, yet, have you?’

At first, Gilbert looked rather taken aback, before a somewhat teasing expression appeared on his face. ‘Not _ yet _, why?’, he playfully raised an eyebrow, attempting to draw her closer. 

Anne had to turn and retreat back, loosening his grip on her. Didn’t he see he was closing what little space was left between them? 

‘I didn’t realise everything was in such a hurry...’, he rounded on her.

_ Say something! What are you doing? Why are you letting this happen? _

Anne gasped as her back hit a corner, 'I just - Gil - Gilbert -I...'

‘...But, I suppose, I could go out there right now...’, there was no mistaking the earnestness in his teasing tone, ‘...that is... if you want me to?’

It was then that Anne knew that she just had to say the word and he would do it. That he would do _ anything _ That was the most frightening part of all. 

‘I could get it all over and done with. In front of them all...there for everyone to see’.

_ No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! _

‘Gil…’

‘_ But’, _ he cut her off, ‘I’d much rather post it _ alone _ . You see...if I’m going to make my intentions known, if my advance is going to be _ published _,’ he grinned cheekily, ‘I want to make it crystal clear’.

_ Say something! _

‘I said not so pointed as to be alarming…’, she rushed. 

Anne could hardly _ breathe _. Did he not realise what he was doing to her when he kept looking at her like that?

‘Oh? _ Did _ you now?’ Gilbert was enjoying himself _ far _ too much. 'Because, I also recall, Miss Shirley-Cuthbert, that you insisted it not be so vague as to not be understood. And I don’t intend to be misunderstood, Anne’. 

_ What was he doing? What was _ ** _she_ ** _ doing? _

He gave her another one of _ those _ looks, before, reluctantly, letting her go and backing away. 

‘Gilbert wait -’, her voice stopped him in his tracks immediately, he eagerly made his way back toward her, arching a single brow, once again taking her breath away. ‘W-what are you going to post? When - ’

He gave a deep, throaty chuckle, shaking his head as if she were quite foolish. ‘Don’t worry about that’, he tucked a loose red strand behind Anne’s burning ears. ‘Let’s just say that my intentions will be made known. There won’t be a shadow of a doubt’, Gilbert sported a knowing smile.

He hummed happily as he swayed back into the classroom, his eyes never leaving hers and - 

_ Did he just _ ** _wink?_ **

Well, he was awfully_ bold _ to do such a thing, and Anne’s temper began to rile up. However, all of her anger was forgotten when she saw what he was doing. Gilbert, having ripped a page from his previously immaculate notebook, had begun to write.

He was about to post.

****

It was all too much. Anne hurriedly grabbed her coat and hat, feeling an intense sense of panic set in. She needed to get away. The contrast of the warm schoolhouse and the outside air, though not particularly cold, was startling. Everyone had gone home, already. It seemed she and Gilbert had been inside longer than she previously thought. Anne could see the outline of Paul M sulking back home alone. It was an odd occurrence, as he and the other Paul were rarely seen apart. It was only when she spotted Paul L and Tillie together, further in the distance, that she finally put the pieces together. Poor Paul M, though she didn’t particularly like him, nursing a broken heart couldn’t be easy. But what could he expect? Tillie, with her nut-brown tresses, flawless complexion and plump figure, was a favourite with many of the boys.

She stared down at herself in the little brook they cooled their milk in, all spindly limbs, red hair and freckles. Anne, herself, would never be a heartbreaker, nor receive such attention. Not that she minded as much as she used to, for she had become quite accustomed to her differences. But, though she had accepted herself well enough, a part of her still pined for her ideal of raven hair, violet eyes and a roses and cream complexion. Still, Anne was well aware that these were pipe dreams, and she had learned her lesson the hard way.

Perhaps Gilbert wasn’t thinking about her at all? Perhaps his “Take Notice” _ was _ for Ruby. She was probably just worrying over nothing, and to think of the fuss she’d made! Would Gilbert and Ruby walk home together, then, just like Tillie and Paul L? The thought of it gave her such an uncomfortable feeling, one that she’d never had before. Why did the idea bother her so much?

Anne knew she couldn’t hang about forever, after all, Marilla was expecting her back home. And with Gilbert showing no sign of leaving the schoolhouse, she begrudgingly began the path home. It was odd, she felt so light, as if what she had just gone through that day wasn’t real. Oh, how wonderful that would be! If only she could wake up right now and redo the day all over again. However, each step filled her with an uneasy, sickly feeling, as if moving away was dishonest and wrong. The crushing guilt spilt over Anne in a sudden surge. Because she knew it _ was _ wrong. Because Anne _ knew _ that the “Take-Notice” Gilbert was writing was for her. Because...he had somehow gotten the absurd idea into his head that he liked her. 

As Anne approached that familiar clearing in the woods, where she usually bid her bosom friend farewell, she wanted to collapse in despair. Not even the first buds of spring could comfort her in this most desperate moment. The worst part was that she didn’t even have her dearest Diana to confide her anguish. Anne couldn’t even speak with her tomorrow, on her _ birthday _ of all days. And what would happen on their next school day? What if she got sick and couldn’t go to school? What would happen if Ruby got to school before her next week? Even more of a worry, what had Gilbert _ written? _ Anne knew she couldn’t allow the possibilities to frighten her until then. She had to get Gilbert’s post off the take notice board, and she had to do it now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first ever Shirbert fic, as well as my first AOOO fic, so please don't judge too harshly! I'm sorry for my bad grammar, this chapter was a little rushed!


	2. even though my life before was tragic, now I know my love for her goes on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late! I wanted to thank everyone for being so nice about part one, it honestly means the world to me. Here's Gilbert's POV! It isn't as good as I'd like it to be, but I couldn't leave it any longer.

There was even more excitement in the schoolhouse today than usual. From the uproarious girlish laughter outside, to the great whoops of the boys indoors. It would have been fair to say that one could not possibly get any work done in such a climate. However, the rambunctiousness of it all was entirely lost on Gilbert Blythe. 

Transfixed, his eyes poured over the latest medical journal that Dr Ward had lent him. Medicine was a constantly changing field, and it was fascinating to read up on all the latest research and drug trials. It was as if Gilbert himself were a fellow peer, a first hand witness to the latest progress. What's more, this particular journal covered a range of international findings. There was so much information, and no time at all to absorb even a fraction of it.

Gilbert was in the middle of reading about the latest findings of a certain Paul Erlich, a German biochemist, who had recently begun experimenting with different chemical ways to kill bacteria whilst avoiding injury to human cells. If his research proved successful, there would be no end to the possibilities of such a drug. The 19th century was coming to a close. They were moving into the future, and _ he _ was going to be a part of it. He was constantly itching for more knowledge, for a greater understanding of everything. As a doctor, he would never stop learning. He had to be the best he could. He hadn’t even considered what his field of speciality would be, and that was if he even got into medical school.

There was nothing that could release him from his engrossed state. No amount of noise and hysterics could disturb him. Nothing could drag him away from - 

‘Good morning!’

There were, of course, exceptions.

‘Good morning!’, Gilbert leapt up, closing the journal immediately. At once, his eyes and attention on the vibrant girl before him. Perhaps he’d sounded a bit _ too _ enthusiastic, but he hadn’t expected Anne to greet him so forwardly.

_ Gentleman, Blythe, be a gentleman. _

‘I don’t know if you’re aware, but the old take notice board is active again’. 

‘Take notice?’ he prompted, eyebrows raised in curiosity. Gilbert wasn’t entirely sure what Anne meant, his mind had been so far off on other things, but was interested in anything that could fill her voice with such eager excitement. Whatever the cause, he certainly wasn’t complaining. The situation was altogether highly unusual, and he needed her to know that she had his complete interest.

‘Yes! Of someone. As in, you post on the board when you want to let someone know that you’ve _ taken notice _’.

Ah, so _ that’s _ what all the giggling was about! Gilbert soon found himself deeply intrigued. Before he would never have thought twice about it, but when it was something _ Anne _ was interested in? Well, that was a different story.

‘It’s a way to make a casual declaration,’ Anne continued, ‘a quiet attention…’ 

_ Did she just - ? _

_ Declaration? _

_ Attention? _

‘To someone you like…?’ Gilbert forced himself to remain very controlled. Knowing Anne, he had to keep things on topic, for she could easily stray from her intended objective. 

Was she really saying what he thought she was?

‘Yes! Not so pointed as to be alarming and not so vague as to not be understood’. Anne cheerfully explained.

Goodness, she was adorable. _ Of course _he understood what she meant, and she needn't have worried about being so specific, but he wanted to make sure that he had gotten this right.

‘A post in advance...of a proper advance!’ Gilbert nodded, letting her know that they were on the same page. How he _ hoped _they were on the same page.

‘Exactly! Because, all of these little notices matter, when you want to let someone know that you’re... thinking ahead…’ 

Gilbert noted Anne’s sudden hesitation as she trailed off. Was something wrong? Was she unsure? Nervous? _ Shy? _

_ Calm Gilbert, be calm. Don’t scare her off. _

‘...To…’ he continued on for her, gazing into those sparkling grey eyes, attempting to guess her feelings. Or at least, what he prayed were her feelings. ‘...their future together?’ 

He sounded as hopelessly vulnerable as he felt, embarrassingly desperate, and would have kicked himself if his whole being hadn’t been so utterly dependant on Anne’s answer. She had to know, goodness, she had to _ realise _, that it was she who held all the cards here. He was entirely at her mercy.

‘Yes…’, 

Gilbert felt his heart skip a beat.

_ Stay calm, stay calm, stay calm, stay calm. _

_ Gently now. _

‘So, you’re suggesting...I post?’ Gilbert was very careful. Posing it as a question, an assumption which she was free to contradict. 

Anne’s expression had changed from a minute ago. Now, she appeared almost fearful. Had he frightened her? Had he taken everything the wrong way? He racked his mind, rewinding their conversation back in his head. It couldn’t just be his own wishful thinking, for Anne had brought it up to him. She was practically giving him step by step instructions, purposefully ensuring that he understood. 

Waiting for her to answer seemed excruciatingly long, an eternity in itself. Seeing her so close, right in front of him, only reinforced how painfully perfect she was. He could count every freckle on her lovely face. Gilbert didn’t care what she thought of them, he adored her freckles, they were one of his favourite things about her. He could easily get lost in her impossibly large eyes, of which still held a world of secrets even after three years. How anyone could consider this beauty to be plain was a mystery to him. 

Was that why she had turned so timid? Was she worried about his feelings for her? Did she have any doubts? How could she possibly be worried? Didn’t she know? Hadn’t she even the faintest idea how he felt? Oh, if only knew how much he - 

‘Yes…' Anne whispered, seemingly surprising herself in the process. Her beautiful eyes became even bigger and she inhaled sharply, as if in realisation.

For a moment, the world stood still.

‘Anne -' Gilbert began, he wanted to pull her to him, to tell her how he felt, to assure her of his feelings.

_ I’ve loved you since the moment you hit me with your slate. _

_ Perhaps even before. _

But by then she was gone.

****

'Anne…’ he whispered in rapture. His eyes remained where she stood only a moment ago before once again finding his love. She was all too far away from him.

He couldn’t take his eyes off her.

Anne wanted this too. 

Anne wanted _ him _ too. 

_ She wants me. She wants me too. I’m not dreaming. _

Words could not adequately describe this moment.

He couldn’t stop staring, and honestly did not care who saw. He didn’t care if the whole class saw, he didn’t care in all of Avonlea saw, heck, the whole world could see how gone he was for all he was concerned. She was _ so _ perfect. He could hardly make out their surroundings. Everything else seemed to vanish in her luminesount presence, insignificant by comparison.

Anne, _ his _Anne, cared for him. Better yet, she wanted him to make his feelings known. 

Maybe he wasn’t destined to feel half complete forever? Perhaps this was why his father had felt so safe to go, perhaps he knew already that Gilbert had been sent an angel to get through the rest of his life.

And _ now _ she was scowling at him. He was probably embarrassing her, the thought made him smile even wider. He was _ definitely _ in for some words later. He could tell she was trying to look threatening, but it wasn’t working. She was _ so _cute when she was mad. 

He really shouldn’t be rushing ahead, he hadn’t even posted yet, but Gilbert couldn’t help but imagine her in white. The red of her hair against an ivory gown would put any painting to shame. Anne would want a spring wedding, of course, with a variety of blooms in her hair. Puffed sleeves, he was sure, would be another demand. He was determined to give Anne the wedding of her dreams. She would have his mother’s ring. She would have whatever she wanted. 

He had to go over to her and say something. In all truth, his feelings could never be expressed by words alone. What he _ wanted _ to do was to pick her up and spin her round and round until he grew too tired to stand, but he didn’t exactly think Anne would take kindly to that plan. Whatever the case, he couldn’t stay put. Not anymore, not now that he knew how she felt.

Gilbert began striding over towards her. In just a few moments she would be - 

‘Good morning, everyone!’

The surprise of Miss Stacey forced Gilbert to stop in his tracks, but not before he saw the worry in Anne’s eyes at him approaching her.

'Good morning, Miss Stacey!' the relief in Anne’s voice was palpable.

Gilbert clenched his jaw in frustration after he returned to his desk. 

He felt like a real idiot. 

Totally blinded by his euphoria, he had been far too selfish and caught up in his own feelings to consider Anne’s. Not to mention any of the consequences that might have resulted from his brazen behaviour. The last thing Anne needed was him coming up to her, making her uncomfortable and founding rumours. Yes, he was excited. Okay, he was _ ecstatic _, but that was no excuse to be reckless in front of everyone. What other people thought of his love for Anne was of no consequence to him, but he knew it would matter to her. 

Gilbert tried to keep his mind occupied with his schoolwork, not looking at Anne too often, at least, as little as he could help. But it didn’t take long for his mind to wander once again. After he posted, what would come next? Walking Anne home? She’d need a chaperone, he didn’t want to give anyone any excuses to bad-mouth her. He wondered then, when the appropriate time would be to ask Matthew’s permission? Marilla’s too, of course. 

_ For goodness sake, Blythe, she just wants you to post a notice! _

He felt his ears burn hot in reaction to his fervour. Perhaps he _ was _ thinking a tad too far ahead. But isn’t that what the “Take-Notice” was supposed to imply? He was, admittedly, somewhat anxious about the whole thing. 

Gilbert raked his fingers through his hair, feigning frustration at his sums, as fresh new worries began to sprout in his mind.

It would be at least four years until he finished medical school, and that was assuming he was even accepted. They would have to wait a while to marry, he knew that. But even then, there wasn’t going to be any “sunbursts” or “marble halls”. He wouldn’t be able to provide the life which Anne so seemed to crave, for her bountiful imagination was far beyond his future means. It would be a simple life, with no abundance or extravagance, and a part of him hated it. He knew she deserved so much more.

_ No, _ he wouldn’t let that deter him. 

Anne wanted_ him _. 

_ She wants me. _

She wanted him and all of his modest prospects, yes, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t strive to provide the life she was due. He chanced another gaze at his angel. The sun was shining right on her face so that her braids seemed to catch fire. 

He would never get tired of looking at her, not for as long as he lived. 

In a moment of awe, Gilbert let his imagination run wild. Perhaps, in that sense, Anne was rubbing off on him. He saw his future with her, or more so, a selection of different scenes. All of which came together to form the most heavenly collection of bliss...

He saw himself holding her each and everyday, she would never be out of his arms for long, not when they were safely away from prying eyes in the confines of their own home. 

Would they live on his farm, with Bash and Mary, or Green Gables?

Anne could decide. 

He saw both of them working, supporting one another through good days and bad. 

He saw the two of them discussing books, his medical volumes and her novels, possibly arguing from time to time as the shared their different views. 

He saw Anne biking home everyday from a long day of teaching, her hair riddled with leaves and twigs, her clothes filthy from outdoor lessons. 

He saw Anne and Mary laughing in the kitchen, covered in flour, before presenting their baked goods to the rest of the family. 

He saw all seven of them partaking in family dinners and get-togethers, rotating between location each week. 

He saw happiness. 

He saw love.

He saw _ family. _

Their family would be a perfect patchwork made up of all seven of them. The two would make their home together anywhere along with Bash, Mary, Matthew, Marilla and Delphine. 

Perhaps, Gilbert dared to consider, children of their own? 

This was not the first time his mind had wandered there, though he had previously not dared to dwell on it. He’d secretly caught Anne singing to Delphine, and had listened a little longer than might have been considered proper. He couldn’t help it, Anne’s ease was mesmerizing and he was utterly enchanted by it. He’d never seen Delphine calm so quickly, although, anyone would with such an angelic voice to soothe them. To see the two together seemed the most natural thing in the world. Anne would make a perfect mother, so warm, gentle and nurturing. It seemed only obvious that she would become one someday. But the very thought that the two could one day share a child together filled him with more joy than a person could take. For the very first time, he allowed his mind to explore the possibilities. 

_ What would they be like? _

All girls, his mind decided quickly, with red hair, the brighter the better, freckled skin and big eyes. Possibly, as well, a boy like his father, and a daughter with his own level headed attitude? 

He’d probably have to step in from Anne naming their children ridiculously flowery names. Otherwise, there would be little Cordelias, Guineveres and Lysanders running about all over the place. He snorted at the thought.

Children. 

_ Their _ children. 

Before it had all been such a distant dream, but now anything seemed possible.

****

Gilbert kept himself focused enough to listen to Diana’s “Getting to Know You”. Diana’s family tree was an entire history lesson in itself. Hers was easily the most interesting segment so far, but the best part was watching Anne’s reactions to the tales. His eyes swerved back and forth to her, as he observed each reaction to the different historical events Diana’s family were involved with. He couldn’t help it, he was in love. Yes, he’d admitted it, in love. He’d completely surrendered himself to that fact a few hours ago, and the official acceptance of it brought him great relief

‘Well done Diana, no notes’, he praised once she concluded her family findings. It was refreshing to mark something with no mistakes for once.

‘None from me either!’ Anne perked up from across the room. Gilbert had to hold in a smile. Even when it came to marking, his girl remained competitive as ever.

Once Diana sat back down, both voices quietened as the two began to engage in a more solemn exchange. Gilbert was desperate to know what Anne’s worry for Diana was about, and what he could do to help. He hated being on the outside of her life, oblivious to it’s secret complications and troubles. He wanted to do whatever he could to help in her concerns. Instead he remained helpless. Always watching from the outside looking in. 

‘Who's next up on “Getting to Know You”?’, Miss Stacey checked the list, ‘Anne Shirley-Cuthbert!’

_ Anne? _

Before he knew it, she was up and ready to go. Weren’t you supposed to research your lineage, and _ then _present it to the class? Gilbert crossed his arms, totally perplexed.

‘I am a mystery, shrouded in an enigmatic riddle...the end!’ Anne finished, sitting back down just as quickly as she had gotten up. Anne looked about at everyone’s reactions, before explaining herself ‘I’m an orphan, I don’t have any information about my lineage!’, she turned to Miss Stacey. ‘Just skip to the next person!’

‘O-of course’ Miss Stacey replied, flustered, before calling on Charlie instead.

Gilbert’s whole being ached. How hard that must have been for her. He knew Miss Stacey hadn’t meant any harm, but he wished she would have discussed it with Anne beforehand instead of just putting her on the spot like that. He longed to wrap Anne in his arms and comfort her. He wanted so much to let her know that she was safe to cry with him, safe to be sad with him, safe to not pretend.

Miss Stacey called Anne into the backroom, presumably to apologise.

She was acting so tough, his Anne-girl, so resolute, shaking off everything that had just happened as if it were nothing. 

_ She shouldn’t have to be so brave all the time. _

The two shared a glance as she came back in. He immediately saw the pain and worry there. She seemed almost scared, maybe apprehensive? Was she worried about what he thought of her? About her lineage? The mere thought was preposterous.

_ But Anne doesn’t know that. _

It didn’t matter a whit to him who Anne’s parents were or where she came from. None of it mattered. 

He wanted_ her _ . He loved _ her _. Nothing could ever change that. He wanted to tell her, to let her know. He would shout it from the rooftops if that’s what it took.

_ But not now. _

For now, he had to wait.

  
  


****

  
  


Gilbert, filled with fresh motivation, put his free study time to good use. At the centre of his mind was his future bride. He had to do well. He _ had _ to get into medical school. This wasn’t just for himself anymore, but for them and their life together. 

_ For our family. _

He heard a sudden groan and knew at once who it had come from. He turned to see Anne facedown on her desk. 

Something was very wrong. 

He needed to do something but knew he couldn’t. There he was again, on the outside, completely useless. This was about “Getting to Know You”, it had to be. How was he supposed to just sit there while the person he loved most was suffering?

He glanced over at Miss Stacey, who seemed to be the only person, other than himself, who noticed Anne’s condition. The two looked at one another, each acting as a mirror of concern. Miss Stacey was about to approach Anne, but Gilbert shook his head in discouragement. He knew the attention would be the last thing that Anne wanted. She needed to be by herself for a while, at least until class ended.

No one else in class seemed to have noted Anne’s unhappiness. Gilbert was thankful, yet, at the same time, somewhat annoyed. Not even Ruby Gillis, who was sitting right next to Anne, had bothered to give her a second look. 

Class was dismissed and Anne still hadn’t moved. It took everything in him to not go to her then and there, to just be able to hold her and take away the pain.

Miss Stacey looked to him expectantly, as if waiting for the go-ahead. Gilbert nodded and went out back to the coatroom. There was no way he was leaving, not before he knew Anne was alright.

He sat on one of the coat benches, shaking his knee whilst attempting to get some more study in. None of it was an effective distraction, all he could think about was Anne.

_ Is she alright? _

_ Is she upset? _

_ What can I do? _

‘Gilbert?’

_ Anne. _

‘Gilbert?’ 

She was calling out for him. Anne, _ his Anne _, was calling his name.

‘Gilbert!’

Anne wanted him. She needed him.

He spent a moment or two in shock.

_ I’m right here, Anne. _

Before he could respond, a flash of red dashed before him.

_ ‘Anne?’ _

Gilbert caught her in him arms as she was rushing out the door.

_ I’m here, Anne-girl, I’m right here. I’ll always be right here, my love. _

_ **** _

She was so soft and small, he hadn’t realised the exact extent before he held her. They were alone now, and he was free to admire every inch of her. Goodness, she was perfect. Everytime he looked at her, he fell in love all over again. And she wanted him! _ His _ Anne wanted him. What if this was a dream? He memorised every part of her just to be sure, every freckle, every wisp of red, her large grey eyes that seemed to take up half her face, her tiny button nose and full pink lips. It would only take a second to brush his against hers, they were so close now, he could...

‘Gilbert I - ‘

Typical of him, so caught up in his own bliss, he’d completely forgotten about Anne’s distress. ‘What’s wrong?’ he prompted gently. He felt her begin to tremble in his arms, ‘You’re shaking…’ in a moment of abandon, he brushed his thumb against her cheek. Her skin was scarily soft. She was so fragile, so delicate. Suddenly very protective, his grip tightened on her waist.

‘I’m fine. Gil -’

The new nickname made his heart skip a beat.

_ Gil now, is it? _

He felt he could explode with happiness. Surely it wasn’t right that a person feel this much joy? He would be perfectly okay to stay in this moment for an eternity. Only one thing was missing. He used the moment as an excuse to play with her hair, or braid more like. In his fantasies it was wild and free and he would run his fingers through the amber and gold, but for now he was more than happy to settle. 

They’d come a long way from the day they’d first met, where he’d foolishly underestimated Anne’s passion and temper. Perhaps they’d laugh about it when they were older, but he wasn’t going to risk mentioning it to Anne only to ruin the moment. 

She ducked her head in shame, as if she didn’t want him to look at her, to see her. 

_ No _, that wouldn’t do. 

‘Anne?’ he whispered, quietly as he could.

_ Tell me, please love, tell me. _

He _ had _ to know, he was beyond tired of being useless, of not being able to do anything to help. He would stay with her all day if that’s what it took.

‘Anne, _ please _ tell me what’s wrong’, he practically begged, more desperate by the second. His tone was growing more and more serious. He tilted her chin up so that their eyes met, refusing to let her hide from him. He noted a delicate blush appear against her freckled skin. He would be lying if he said it didn’t give him a secret thrill, especially since he was the one to cause such a reaction. Oh so tentatively, he tried to encourage an answer. ‘Is it because of earlier, about "Getting to Know You?"’

‘What? No, no, no. Gilbert - ’, Anne’s fierce reaction was unmistakably sincere. ‘Why is…? No, it’s nothing to do with that’.

Anne’s denial didn’t surprise him, but the vigour of it did. He knew she was telling the truth. Gilbert was at a complete loss. What on earth, then, could be the matter?

‘Then what?’ Confounded as he was, Gilbert refused to back down. Contrary to what she may think, he was not going to let this go. Not until she told him what was wrong.

Anne appeared expectantly annoyed for a few seconds, before she answered him once and for all.

‘Have you - ‘, Anne paused.

Gilbert was hanging onto every agonisingly slow word she spoke. 

‘You haven’t...you haven’t posted a- a “Take-Notice”, yet, have you?’

Gilbert had to take a few seconds to process her response.

_ What? _

His first reaction was shock, the second relief, and the third was complete and utter incredulity

_ That _ was what Anne was worried about?

_ My darling, my angel, my love. _

She was so cute it was criminal. Anne was worried about whether he’d posted or not? Did she really not know? Did he really need to show Anne how much he wanted her? He could laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

But at the same time, the fact that her feelings were somewhere on the same wavelength as his excited him no end. 

_ She wants me. _

‘Not yet, why?’ he couldn’t help but tease, attempting to pull his angel towards him. 

But of course, she was quickly out of his arms and backing away. He wasn’t going to let her get away that easy, not this time.

‘I didn’t realise everything was in such a hurry...’, he cornered her, almost vindictive in his tone. He would do anything to see that exquisite blush tickle Anne’s face again.

_ She has to know. _

Anne gasped as her back hit a corner, ‘I just - Gil - Gilbert -I…’ 

She looked so unbearably endearing, flushed and breathless amongst the coats and satchels. He had to take a moment to recollect himself. 

‘...But, I suppose, I could go out there right now...’, Gilbert was only half-teasing, he’d happily go out there right now and nail a notice on that darn board, ‘...that is... if you want me to?’

_ I’ll do anything for you. Can’t you see that? Just say the word. _

‘I could get it all over and done with. In front of them all...there for everyone to see’.

A wicked little part of Gilbert would relish nothing more than seeing the look on Charlie Sloane’s face. He’d seen the way his supposed “best-friend” had been looking at Anne lately, and it had caused somewhat of a rift between the two. Though Gilbert had never been outright in his feelings for Anne, it seemed pretty obvious to him where his heart resided.

‘Gil…’

Again, that nickname made him weak at the knees.

‘_ But’ _ , he wasn’t going to let Anne interrupt, ‘I’d much rather post it _ alone _ . You see...if I’m going to make my intentions known, if my advance is going to be _ published _,’ he gave his most roguish grin, now having gauged Anne’s reactions, he was all too aware of its effect, ‘I want to make it crystal clear’.

_ Oh, it’s going to be clear alright. _

‘I said not so pointed as to be alarming…’, Anne blurted out. 

Of course, trying to argue about the Take-Notice, it was so _ Anne. _

‘Oh? _ Did _ you now?’ Gilbert teased, he’d never dared be so forward before, but these reactions from Anne were exhilarating. 'Because, I also recall, Miss Shirley-Cuthbert, that you insisted it not be so vague as to not be understood. And I don’t intend to be misunderstood, Anne’, his voice became husky and serious. He had to leave now, otherwise he was going to end up doing something very, _ very _ stupid.

Taking every inch of her in again, he forced himself to retreat, the warmth of her body leaving his hands was almost painful. He swore to himself that it wouldn’t stay like this for long.

‘Gilbert wait -’, 

So much for that. Her voice pulled him in like a siren’s would a lost fisherman. He was back with Anne in seconds, eyebrow raised in query. 

‘W-what are you going to post? When - ’

Gilbert had to laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. Even after all that, Anne still didn’t seem to comprehend the extent of his devotion.

_ If only you knew, Anne-girl. _

‘Don’t worry about that’, he reached out to slip a fallen lock behind her ear. The hot skin against his fingertips sent an intense surge of pride through him.

_ I did that to her. _

‘Let’s just say that my intentions will be made known. There won’t be a shadow of a doubt’.

Anne had no need to worry. By next week they’d be the talk of Avonlea, not just the schoolhouse, Rachel Lynde would make certain of that.

Up to high doh, Gilbert’s hummed in contentment as he withdrew back to his desk. He didn’t break eye contact until the last minute, and not before he risked a shockingly audacious wink.

Oh yes, he was being_ very _ bold.

Without a second thought, Gilbert began to take apart his pristine notebook. Taking a few moments to decide the wording of his declaration before dipping his pen.

He heard the door shut behind him and smiled to himself. Had Anne finally been convinced? He certainly hoped so. Once he was done, no soul in Avonlea would have any doubt about his intentions toward Miss Anne Shirley-Cuthbert.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you guys see why I can't do a happy ending now? Gilbert's going to be shattered. I completely understand if some of you want to stop reading here.
> 
> I'm still not over what happened to Mary. My dad's a doctor and it made me ask him when the first antibiotics came out, he said they became available around the 1940s. It made me want to research what stage they were at this point in history, hence why Gilbert is reading about Paul Ehrlich.
> 
> Please be nice in the comments, I know it's not great, I wanted it to be so much better, but I just didn't have the time.
> 
> If any of you guys are interested, here are some of the songs I listed to while writing this (in no particular order):
> 
> Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic - Sleeping At Last  
Hello - Lionel Richie  
Hymn To The Sea - James Horner  
She Will Be Loved - Maroon Five  
Hesitate - The Jonas Brothers  
My Love - Sia  
Two Steps From Hell - Nero


	3. maybe won't you take it back, say you were tryna make me laugh, and nothing has to change today

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so, I've decided to do 6 chapters instead of 4. That way, we can enjoy whatever fluff is left without the angst! Hope you enjoy! Please, please, please leave a comment if you enjoyed. You have no idea how much your comments mean to me and how happy they make me. So if you're thinking about whether or not to leave a comment, please do!
> 
> Anywho, we're back to our girl Anne. Let's see how she's doing!

No matter how far she got, the journey out of the woods seemed endless. It was all a blur and she couldn’t make out a thing. Her feet barely even scraped the ground, and it was as if she were flying rather than running. Vision impaired from her panic and pace, adrenaline and memory served as her only guide. She felt as if she could stop right now and the trees would still continue to rush right past her. In any other context she would have found it terrifying, but Anne was in such a frantic condition that it didn’t faze her whatsoever. 

_ What if somebody went back already?  _

_ What if someone’s  _ ** _seen_ ** _ it? _

She felt the ground change beneath her feet and knew she was close. The sun felt so blinding that all she saw for a few seconds was light. Anne had to stop and rest for a while, eyes adjusting to her new surroundings. Her whole being was in such a state of intense panic that her mind was off kilter with her body. 

She turned her head left, panting heavily as the blurred picture before her came into focus.

The schoolhouse. 

There it was, a glorious white beacon so clear and close that she could almost touch it. She kept her gaze firmly fixed on her destination as she picked up her pace once more. 

Faster, faster, faster,  _ faster _ .

_ Almost there.  _

Nobody was around, thank goodness. Soon it would all be over. Soon that evil little notice would be off the board, no longer holding any power over her. 

_ Almost there. So close.  _ ** _So_ ** _ close. _

She’d reached the schoolhouse, and was just about to turn the corner when...

_ 'Anne?’  _

Anne, unfortunately, made the mistake of halting her speed. She’d barely even caught a glimpse of Gilbert’s figure before she was up in the air. A piece of leftover ice had lifted her off of her feet and had her land in a most undignified and excruciating position. 

_ ‘Ow!’ _ she groaned in agony. Tears began to well up in her eyes in reaction to the sharp pain. 

‘Anne! Don’t move!’ she faintly heard a voice call out. Her behind was killing her, but she most certainly was not going to let  _ him _ know about this most embarrassing injury.

‘I’m fine!’, she managed to huff in annoyance.

_ Goodness, how can this hurt so much?! _

‘Where does it hurt? Don’t move!’

Everything was made so much worse by Gilbert’s concern. He was unbelievably infuriating. She was obviously embarrassed and wanted him to leave. Couldn’t he take a hint and let it go? 

‘I’m not telling you!’ she yelled, half in pain and half in extreme frustration.

Enraging her even more, Gilbert lent down 

‘Go away!’ she kicked at him, causing a sharp pain to travel up her spine.  _ ‘Ow!’ _

‘Anne, don’t  _ move _ ’, he scolded fiercely.

How  _ dare _ he be angry with her!  _ She  _ was the one who was wounded, and  _ he _ was the reason she was in this disastrous situation in the first place!

‘I said get  _ away!’ _

‘I need to examine for any breaks!’ his tone had changed from panicked to desperate, almost pleading.

‘No you will  _ not!’ _ Anne swatted his hands away wildly, as if she were attempting to deter a particularly annoying fly.

‘ _ Anne’,  _ he caught both her arms firmly in his hands. ‘You need to tell me what’s wrong, or else I  _ will _ have to check myself’. 

Anne was quiet then. Something had shifted and the whole dynamic had suddenly changed. He didn’t seem to be speaking to her as if she were herself, but more so as a doctor to a patient. It shocked her out of her stubbornness.

‘I-it's here…’ Anne admitted weakly, rubbing at her tailbone. She wanted to die of embarrassment. 

This was the worst day of her whole _ life _ . And she had lived a near sixteen year long existence.

‘You’ve injured your coccyx’, Gilbert’s voice was tender again, comforting. ‘I’m not sure if it’s broken or not, it may just be bruised’, he muttered, seeming to be speaking more to himself than her.

To her great alarm, Gilbert placed one of his arms beneath her knees and the other round her waist. He looked to her for permission.

He wasn’t  _ serious _ , was he?

Well, he was going to be waiting there for a  _ very _ long time. Because there was no way on  _ this earth _ she was going to be carried about like some invalid. She didn’t  _ need _ his help. She would be perfectly fine getting up on her own. Why did he insist on being so infuriating? Did he do it on purpose? He must do, because surely no one could be so unintentionally vexing and utterly oblivious to their - 

She winced as another movement shot more pain up through her.

Oh, what was the  _ point? _

Letting out one final whine of protest, Anne surrendered completely. She wrapped her arms around his neck, allowing him to lift her from the ground. She flinched at the change in position. 

‘I’m sorry, Anne’, he whispered, she felt him shift as he carried her over towards the brook. He sat down on a fallen log and carefully balanced her on his lap. ‘Lean forward, love’, he encouraged, so that she was placing as little weight on the tender area as possible.

Slowly, the pain began to fade. Her dignity, however, remained very sore indeed.

‘Anne, I’m so sorry. What were you doin - ’ she heard him begin before trailing off with a deep sigh. ‘It doesn’t matter’. 

She allowed a single tear to escape and snuggled herself in the crook of his neck, unable to deny the comfort its warmth brought her. She felt a low grumble come from Gilbert's chest as his arms tightened around her. He kissed her cheek, unbearably soft and slow, placing two more on both of her eyelids, until ultimately resting his forehead against hers. The two sounded strangely exhausted. Their breathing was rapid and very heavy, as if they had just finished a race. They sounded so loud, she feared someone nearby would hear them.

The two didn’t speak. They didn’t move. 

Never in her life had she been held like this before. She felt the most precious thing in the world. It felt - it felt...good.

Yes, she admitted it. It felt good. 

Oh, why did it have to feel so  _ good? _ Why did she have to feel so warm and comforted? It was so wrong, just how safe and secure she felt in his arms. She wished that she hated it. How much easier this would be if she was despising every second.

Anne opened one eye first, and then the other. The cold air was harsh on her face, as if punishing her for her indiscretions. She wanted to close her eyes again and disappear. The world didn’t seem real anymore. Their surroundings appeared slightly hazy, almost grey with a light fog. She lazily pricked a finger into the brook, watching in fascination as the ripples grew, obscuring the most scandalous image reflected before her. When the water finally stilled she didn’t even react.

The unfamiliar girl in the brook seemed frightfully pale, her face drawn, almost like a ghost. Anne felt quite detached, as if the girl cradled in this motionless boy's arms was a total stranger to her. The pair were unmistakably a couple, not from Avonlea or even the Island, but from another place altogether. Another world, perhaps? A marble boy and a ghost girl, still as statues and white as death. It was frightening to think of two people entirely alone in the world, with only one another for company. Yet, Anne couldn’t help but find comfort in the strange boy and girl. How wonderful to have no external complications. Just the two of them and no one else. 

The girl placed her hand firmly against the boy's front, at the same time, Anne could feel a steady hum coming from Gilbert’s chest. From time to time the boy would kiss the girl’s forehead, and each time he did so, Anne would feel the same sensation. One of the boy’s gloved hands was threaded through the girl’s hair, his thumb forming circles against her temple. 

Anne could feel that too.

She could have stared at the boy and girl forever, but she knew that it wasn’t possible. Not because the two weren’t real, but, more terrifyingly, because they were.

She didn’t know how much time had passed, it could have been minutes or hours.

‘Gil - ’

‘Mm?’ he mumbled groggily, his eyes meeting hers. His pupils were so dilated that they appeared black.

‘The notice’. she breathed.

‘Anne…’ 

‘Where is it? Is it on the board? I have to…’

‘Anne?  _ Anne’,  _ he took her face in his hands, forcing her to keep his gaze. ‘This is getting ridiculous. This needs to stop right now’.

_ Does he know? _

Gilbert knew all about the big mistake? Oh, happy days! She wanted to jump for joy even despite the pain in her spine. She wanted to dance and dance and  _ dance  _ until she collapsed from sheer exhaustion _ . _ Everything would be alright. They’d get it all sorted out. Gilbert would post for Ruby, and everything would be fine. Everything would go back to normal. It would all be _ just _ as it was.

‘Gilbert, you know? You know about everything? Oh thank goodne - ’

‘Anne, I love you’.

_ What. _

_ In. _

_ The.  _

_ World. _

_ No. _

_ No. _

_ No! _

** _No!!_ **

‘Gilbert,  _ no’,  _ she screeched, her voice was high and desperate.

‘Anne, please. You need to let me finish’.

_ No! _

‘I know this notice is important to you. I have it here’, he fished out a ripped piece of parchment from his satchel. 

Anne’s eyes lit up with fresh fury at the sight of her enemy. She longed to rip it from his hands right now and tear it to pieces. Oh, how tempting it was!

‘Gil - ’ Anne reached out for the notice. It wouldn’t be so pristine and pretty by the time  _ she _ was through with it.

_ So close. _

_ 'Anne’,  _ he kept it far from her reach, ‘I’m going to post this notice for you. Because you want it. And because it’s the proper thing to do. Because, Anne, goodness  _ Anne’,  _ he exhaled dramatically _ , _ as if he were quite exasperated with her. ‘Anne, I’m in love with you’.

_ No! _

_ No, please, no! _

_ No! _

** _No!_ **

** _Nooooo!_ **

‘I’ve loved for as long as I can remember. This notice - it’s just a piece of paper. I understand how important it is to you, that’s why I’m posting the darn thing in the first place. I know we need to take all the different steps of a proper courtship, and I know this is one of them. You deserve it and I would never try to take that away from you. But - but you seem to be so _ fixated _ on it, when in the grand scheme of everything - of everything I feel for you - ’ he paused, supposedly collecting his thoughts.

Anne just sat there in horror. She didn’t say anything, she couldn’t, for if she did it would make everything real. 

‘Please, Anne, you have to know - I’m yours. Now and forever, I always have been and I always will be. Ever since you whacked me over the head -’ a hoarse laugh erupted from Gilbert before he sniffed and continued, ‘- there was only you. I’ve got my mother’s ring at home. It’s already yours, as soon as you want it, Anne. The truth is, I can’t believe you’re getting so worked up over a piece of paper. Don’t you see how gone I am? I’m not going to change my mind, not now and not ever. You’re the only one I want. There will never be anyone for me but you’.

_ Oh horror of horrors! _

Not even she, in all her abundance of imagination, could have conjured up a more bizarre nightmare! That Anne had come back when she did was a testament to some higher power watching over her. This was worse than anyone could have predicted. Gilbert had convinced himself he was in love with her! Because of her terrible mistake, he’d been completely brainwashed. He’d even somehow managed to romanticize that most humiliating moment from the past. What else had he managed to do? Had he turned all of their arguments into great impassioned experiences? 

Oh, what had she  _ done?  _ She really had, well and truly, ruined everything. It was all  _ fine  _ before. 

‘My promise to you is this, Anne. I am yours. Now and forever, Anne-girl. I’ll let everyone know with the “Take-Notice”, of course. But this is just an announcement for everyone else. It doesn’t change anything for us. It’s utterly  _ insignificant _ for us. I could get rid of it, burn it to a crisp right now, and it wouldn’t make any difference. Nothing would change’. 

_ Yes, burn it! Burn it now! _

** _Burn. it._ **

She felt she was going quite mad, having started fantasising destroying the wicked one herself. She saw herself cackling in unhinged hysteria as the burning pieces danced about the air, forever erased from existence. 

‘I’ll begin escorting you home as soon as the notice is posted. I’ll ask permission from Matthew and Marilla soon after that. We won’t have to wait long to make things official. I promise you that, my love. It will be as soon as possible’.

_ Official? _

_ What does he mean  _ ** _official?_ **

Was this why he was mentioning his mother’s ring? She needed to get that notice out of his hands right now!

‘This -’ Gilbert snatched the wretched thing further away as she attempted another go for it. ‘ _ This _ notice - ’ his lips formed a smug smirk before he continued. ‘ - doesn’t change anything. Everything I feel for you still stands, with or without it. This is merely another step I have to take until we can be together for good’, he finished, continuing to gaze at her adoringly.

The world had been turned upside down. The worst part was that it was all her fault. She could have prevented it. It didn’t have to happen.

Helpless, she had no choice but to let herself be carried over to the board. 

‘Gil, please’.

‘Let me show you just how much I love you’.

_ Nooooooooo! _

He set her down gently, letting her stand, before going through with the very thing which she had been dreading all day long.

‘Gilbert no…’ she was begging now, making one final pathetic attempt even as the nail went in.

One, two, three.

_ Gil, please don’t.  _

_ Don’t do this, Gil. _

_ Don’t. _

But it was too late.

Her enemy mocked her. Now pinned to the notice board, front and centre, it practically jeered, cruelly taunting her with delight. 

There was no pretending anymore. It was all real. For there it was, in pride of place, slap down in the middle of the board in blackest ink. Gilbert was right, it certainly was clear. Crystal clear in all of it’s wickedness.

** _“Anne Shirley-Cuthbert would make the perfect wife, for none other than a certain Gilbert Blythe”._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had WAY too much fun writing this chapter. Did anyone catch my "Office" reference? If anyone wants to know what was going on in Anne's head during that moment, look no further: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFc4WcL6gY8 
> 
> I didn't need to listen to any songs to really get my muse on for this fic, Anne literally just whispers in my ear. But here are a couple of pieces I listened to:
> 
> Table for Two - Abel Korzeniowski  
Quiet Resource - Evelyn Stein  
One Last Wish - James Horner  
Phascination Phase - Carter Burwell
> 
> Edit: I forgot the most perfect song! i Love You - Billie Eilish


	4. my love, leave yourself behind, beat inside me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this update is so late! This chapter is twice as long as I originally intended for it to be. Also, beware, there is a tiny preview of angst at the end!
> 
> Your comments are giving me life, thank you for all the ones on my previous chapter. Honestly, whenever I see a comment it makes my week.
> 
> We're back to Gilly-boy. Please enjoy!

_ ‘Bum ba da dum, bum ba da dum, bum bum ba da dee dum’ _

Gilbert sang jauntily as he made his way out of the classroom with a decided spring in his step. He was quite certain that he looked one hundred percent the gone fool that he was and remained every bit comfortable with it. Bounding down the steps, he jumped to the ground and turned left.

‘Whoa!’ he managed to catch himself as he skidded on a piece of ice. ‘Huh’, he shook his head in relief, making a note of the hidden hazard, before shrugging it off and ventering over toward the notorious board.

He nailed in his notice on a free spot before stepping back to admire his handiwork.

_ **“Gilbert Blythe would like to make his intentions known towards Anne Shirley-Cuthbert”** _

With the first two not quite making the cut, this had been his third attempt at a “Take-Notice” for Anne. It was short, simple, precise and, if he had understood everything correctly, all that a take notice should be. And yet still, somehow, he couldn’t help but be dissatisfied with it.

It was so...so..._ plain? _

_ Formal? _

** _Boring? _ **

This was for _ Anne _ . It needed to be special and it needed to stand out. He couldn’t post _ this _. She was bound to be disappointed with the attempt, and he wouldn’t stand for the “Take-Notice” being anything less than she imagined.

He stood on the spot, contemplating a little while longer.

_ No, _ he finally decided, _ it’s _ ** _not_ ** _ good enough. _

He clenched his jaw in frustration as he ripped off his third attempt off the board, discarding it in his satchel along with the other rejects. How much of a fool could he be? Of _ course _ it wasn’t good enough. He couldn’t have penned a more stale declaration if he tried. 

Although, admittedly, all of these little notices left something to be desired. He scoffed as he read a couple of the pinned pieces. Between_ “admiring soft curls” _ and _ “lending an arm home” _ , he couldn’t believe he was actually going to participate in such sheer ridiculousness. It was hardly his ideal way of announcing his intentions, especially since the whole concept seemed designed to cheapen them down to one flippant remark. What he felt for Anne was so beyond any of these childish flatteries, and to put his _ own _ feelings, which he was certain were beyond any of _ their _ comprehension, on a par with the others seemed an almost vile disservice.

But he would do it for Anne. 

_ I’m doing it for her. _

He needed this to be special. He needed to do justice to his devotion, and he was going to have to do that whilst simultaneously summarising it down to a sentence. He wanted to put an end to all Anne’s worries and leave no room for doubts. He needed to make it crystal clear, just as he had promised. And he knew that there was no way he could do that by following the “Take-Notice” rules.

_ “Not so pointed as to be alarming” be damned. _

It looked like he was going to be here for a little while longer.

Gilbert stretched himself out, before relaxing his body with an admissive sigh.

‘Well, you know what they say’ he urged himself, raising his eyebrows in amusement, ‘Fourth time lucky!’

Of course, Gilbert was well aware that nobody had ever said that.

****

‘Gilbert!’, Miss Stacey exclaimed curiously, reentering the main room, ‘You’re still here?’

‘Oh!’ Gilbert looked up from his desk, having forgotten he wasn’t the only one in the schoolhouse. ‘Y-yeah, I’m -I’m just getting in some extra study,’ his voice became more confident as he latched onto the excuse. ‘It’s...tricky...studying at home, with Delphine and all’. he chuckled somewhat unnaturally, attempting to mask his nervousness.

‘I see’, she nodded, smiling in sympathy. ‘Well, don’t work yourself too hard. I can’t seem to recall the last time I saw that head of yours out of a book!’ 

Gilbert nodded, his eyes downcast, repressing an amused smile at the observation.

‘Before I go…’ Miss Stacey approached him steadily, ‘Anne’.

‘Anne?’ 

Just the sound of her name had his heart pounding. He freshly dipped pen fell from his hands, splashing his desk and front.

‘Yes’, said Miss Stacey, as if she were having to state the obvious. ‘Was she alright? She wasn’t, was she?’ Miss Stacey began to fret. ‘She wouldn’t talk to me. What did she say? Was she very upset? _ Tell me, _ Gilbert, please.’

‘I-I think…’ Gilbert gulped, regaining his composure, ‘I think - I _ don’t _ think, Miss Stacey, that the “Getting to Know You” upset Anne at all. I think...I think her mind was on...other things…’ 

So his cover _ hadn’t _ been blown, for some reason it was a relief to him. He couldn’t quite explain what was making him so nervous, for he was in no way ashamed of his feelings. There was just something about writing the “Take-Notice” that made him feel so vulnerable and, altogether, entirely exposed. And, if he were to be honest, there was something so _ exciting _ about having this be a secret just between him and Anne, even if it was just for a little while. Perhaps it was a bit pitiful to admit, but he didn’t want to let anyone else in on it just yet.

‘You do?’ Miss Stacey crossed her arms and quirked a brow, as if testing him. ‘Okay, okay. I - as long as she’s alright?’ she asked seriously.

‘I promise’, he smiled.

‘Okay…’ Miss Stacey exhaled, gathering up the rest of her things. ‘Have a wonderful afternoon, Gilbert, and don’t study too hard!’ she called out behind her.

‘Oh! Miss Stacey!’ Gilbert remembered to warn her, ‘ Watch out for the ice, it’s just on the left of the steps’.

‘Still?’ Miss Stacey sighed in disbelief. ‘I’ll make sure to be careful. Thank you, Gilbert, for everything’. she acknowledged gratefully, before disappearing out the door.

Gilbert returned to his desk, all too ready to begin his new declaration. 

He knew _ exactly _what he was going to write.

****

_ She’s going to love it. _

His fourth and final “Take-Notice” was perfect. Short and simple, as a “Take-Notice” should be, yet also clever and witty, if he did say so himself. There was even a secret joke that the two would share, he was certain Anne would get a kick out of it, not to mention it _ rhymed. _He couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when she finally saw it. He was already planning to get to school extra early next week, he wouldn’t miss it for the world. The thought of Anne eagerly running up to check the board left him reeling with excitement, and the idea of her beaming with pride in front of her friends had him smirking like an absolute fool. If anyone were to come across him right now, he was certain that he would be instantly locked up for lunacy. 

She’d been so worried about him posting, little did she know that she was going to get the very best “Take-Notice” of the bunch. 

He was going to give her everything she wanted.

After swinging his satchel over his shoulder and putting on his cap, Gilbert couldn’t help but take another look at his inscription. He was beyond pleased with himself and couldn’t, for the life of him, wipe a terribly goofy grin off his face. He’d finally written the notice, _ just _ as Anne wanted. Yes, it was a silly thing, but at least she would be happy. _ Now _ that it was out of the way, the two could move on to focusing on their future.

He stepped out of the class for what he hoped was the final time that day. The slight breeze had him put his “Take-Notice” safe in his satchel, almost protectively. When he looked back up again, he was certain he was hallucinating.

Anne.

_ Anne? _

He had to be seeing things. Maybe his love _ had _made him mad? Perhaps he should indeed be carted off to the County Asylum right now? Surely this wasn’t real? And yet there she was, running towards the schoolhouse at full speed, only getting clearer and clearer with each passing second. 

_ Anne. _

Had she forgotten something? Had she, he dared consider, come back to see _ him? _ Why was she in such a rush? Okay, she was going _ very _ fast. Had something happened? Was she alright?

_ ‘Anne?’ _ he called out to her in a state of bewildered joy.

She halted her speed and looked right at him. He felt his heart stop.

Everything happened very slowly after that.

He could only watch in horror as she slipped on the ice, the very same ice he’d just warned Miss Stacey about. Completely useless, his arms automatically reached out for her as she fell to the ground. 

A few seconds later, she cried out in pain.

Her cry rang in his ears a hundred times over, tormenting him. He could only describe the sound of it like someone ripping a blade through his chest over and over and over and _ over. _

His instincts soon kicked in.

‘Anne, don’t move!’ he shouted, rushing to her, forgetting himself and only very nearly missing the ice.

‘I’m fine!’ 

She didn’t sound too pleased with him, but that was the least of his worries.

Clearly, she was _ not _ fine. She was hurt. She was in _ pain. _ And, for crying out loud, she was wriggling about all over the place! 

_ Anne’s hurt. _

_ She’s hurt, she’s hurt, she’s hurt. _

His mind was racing and he began to panic.

What was wrong? Where was she hurt? Had she _ broken _ anything? 

Nothing seemed contorted, but _ something _ was wrong. He had to keep her still, she was going to hurt herself even more at this rate. 

Dr Ward had talked about how medical ethics prevented him from treating his own family, something about his judgement being impaired and something about “over-diagnosing” and “under-diagnosing”. Gilbert had thought the whole thing ludicrous at the time. He had been sure that he could treat anyone, regardless of their relationship to him. Now that was going all out the window. Right now, he couldn’t do anything but panic. He had no control, no rationality, no _ anything. _

All he could think about was that Anne was hurt. _ His _ Anne was hurt and she was crying out in pain and she would let him help her and, for goodness sake, she _ wouldn’t. stop. moving. _

‘Where does it hurt? Don’t move!’ he managed to get out in a frantic rush.

‘I’m not telling you!’

Whether she _ wanted _to tell him or not was of no consequence. Now was not the time for her to be contrary. He was not going to let her boss him about, not when her welfare was at risk. His panic was building by the second. He fell to her side in dismay, attempting to further gauge the damage.

‘Go away!’ 

He felt her kick at him. The reaction caused him relief more than anything else, at least she was able to move her legs about alright. Where on earth was the pain coming from?

_ 'Ow!’ _

For Gilbert, her second cry of pain was the last straw.

‘Anne, _ don’t move!’ _ he snapped, the harshness of his voice taking even himself aback. 

He regretted his tone as soon as the words were out. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. 

Well, he did, he was half_ mad _with worry.

‘I said get _ away! _’ she screamed.

‘I need to examine for any breaks!’ he was begging now, literally _ on his knees _. Couldn’t she understand? She was driving him to insanity. He needed to know what was wrong. 

‘No you will _ not!’ _she’d started using her hands as a weapon now.

Gilbert was getting tired, he was not going to take any of it.

_ 'Anne’, _ Gilbert caught her thin arms in a firm grasp in one swift motion. ‘You need to tell me what’s wrong, or else I _ will _ have to check myself’. 

He’d managed to tap into his “professional” persona. If she was going to act like this, he was going to treat Anne just as he would any other injured individual. He’d had just about enough of her temper for one day.

She seemed shocked by his strength, and Gilbert was fully prepared to bear the brunt of her wrath, but Anne didn’t say anything. 

Anne didn’t say one word.

She looked at his with those big, _ big _ eyes, totally stunned. She looked so young. It was the exact same expression that she’d had the very first day they met. The day he’d saved her, the day he’d protected her, the day he’d been her hero. 

Except, he _ wasn’t _ the hero this time. He was the villain.

In that moment, he truly hated himself. 

Is that how Anne was seeing him now? Like she saw Billy Andrews in the woods all those years ago? It had to be, for here she was before him, her tiny frame shaking, her eyes like that of a stricken fawn, now too fearful to speak.

He made himself _ sick. _

He wished so desperately that he could communicate to her all that he was feeling, how worried he was at the idea she’d been hurt, how he only wanted to protect her, how he loved her, goodness, how he _ loved _her.

Gilbert loosened his grip immediately, disgusted with himself.

‘I-it's here…’ Anne answered him almost sheepishly. She sounded so _ young _ , so vulnerable. She moved her hand to rest at the bottom of her spine and everything clicked. A coccyx injury. _ Of course. _ They could be notoriously painful, especially if one was moving about. It didn’t necessarily mean she’d broken anything, or done any severe damage.

‘You’ve injured your coccyx’, he explained lovingly, his voice deliberately gentle. ‘I’m not sure if it’s broken or not, it may just be bruised’, he reassured himself under his breath. He would never forgive himself if she had broken a bone on his account. 

As gently as he could, Gilbert positioned one arm beneath her knees and encircled her waist with another, pleading for her consent with his eyes. He tensed, bracing himself for another round of protests and assaults.

Anne Shirley-Cuthbert surprised his for the second time, for all that escaped was a forlorn whimper before she accepted his request. His happiness was short lived, however, as he quickly registered the reason for her quick surrender 

It was because she was probably terrified of him. 

He was a worse brute than any Billy Andrews.

Making sure his footing was firm as he stepped, he attempted to obtain her forgiveness, ‘I’m sorry, Anne’. Oh, the things he was sorry for. He hadn’t meant to snap, he hadn’t meant to scare her, he hadn’t meant to startle her and cause her to slip in the first place. 

He set them both down on a fallen log overlooking the brook. He wasn’t sure what he was going to do next, right now all he was focused on was Anne. There was no way she could walk back home, he’d have to carry her back. But first, he needed to make sure she was alright. 

‘Leave forward, love…’ he coaxed as softly as he could, attempting to compensate for his previous behaviour. Ideally she’d have a cushion, but they’d have to make do.

He let her put all of her weight on him and instantly felt her relax in his arms. Her face also appeared less tense, thankfully the pain was starting to ease.

‘Anne, I’m so sorry. What were you doin - ’ Gilbert attempted to express his confusion at the whole situation, before relinquishing all of his inquiries with a sigh. ‘It doesn’t matter’. 

None of it really mattered. She was here, safe with him, no explanations as to why were required.

But all thoughts of peace were interrupted by a tear trailing down Anne’s delicate face.

_ My love. _

He’d made her cry.

He almost gasped as he felt her snuggle into him, groaning, at first, in deep contentment and then, finally, in utter misery at what he’d done. In his anguish, he pulled her even closer to him. His left hand cupped her face as he kissed away the fallen tear. He then went on to dry her eyes with his lips, tasting the salt in an irrational attempt to transfer her pain over to him. He was panting feverishly by now, the intensity of it all was building as he laid his forehead against hers. 

_ I’m so sorry, Anne, I never want to hurt you. _

_ I love you. _

_ I love you, I love you, I love you. _

Foreheads and noses touching, he could hear and feel every single breath she took. The sensation went beyond description. Could she feel it too? Their breathing had begun to synchronise in the most unimaginably beautiful way. No longer two separate beings, instead, they were one whole. He’d never experienced anything more intimate in his entire life.

One arm kept her tight to him and the other comforted. Her hat fell to the ground as his gloved hand threaded through the hair at her scalp, loosening her braid. His thumb massaged her right temple as he murmured comforting utterances.

There was no use trying to communicate in words, words weren’t at all adequate, he had to do it without.

For no words being said, the two sounded very loud, anyone out and about was sure to hear them.

_ Let them. _

As he cuddled her closer, Gilbert’s mind remained abuzz with one phrase and one phrase only. Sometimes it was loud, sometimes it was soft, sometimes it was almost incoherent, but always the same three words.

_ I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. _

Dr Ward was right, there was no way he could properly treat a loved one and he’d just learned his lesson the hard way. There would never be anyway he could make rational decisions when it came to Anne.

He was falling more and more in love with each passing moment, he wouldn’t have even thought that possible an hour ago. Yet here he was, just falling deeper and deeper without any regard. He was now long lost in an eternal pit, one that he knew he would never make it out of.

_ I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. _

Fifteen minutes had passed and Gilbert had no plans of moving. Just how he would explain his absence to Bash and the Cuthberts he had no idea, Anne’s injury could only account for a fraction of their time spent away. Whatever the case, he would take all of the blame. 

He felt Anne stir slightly, removing her head from his neck and facing the wind. He moved his head with hers, refusing to surrender any of her warmth. 

From the corner of his eye, he could see that her attention was now on their reflection. She was gazing down on them with burning intensity. 

_ She loves me too. _

Still rubbing her temple, he fondly kissed a freckle on her forehead, then another and another. It was hard to keep track of time in this new reality, he measured it instead by his own metric: ten strokes of his thumb, a kiss, another ten strokes, another kiss, another ten strokes, then another kiss. 

Another fifteen minutes passed. They’d been there for half an hour. Gilbert knew it was irresponsible, but he had no plans of moving, at least, not anytime soon. 

He was in heaven.

Five more minutes.

‘Gil?’ 

Again, that nickname made him putty in her hands.

‘Mm?’ he answered sleepily. 

Another wave of devotion came over him as he looked into her eyes, totally enraptured by every single part of her. 

‘The notice…’

He almost groaned.

**_Please,_** _not again._

** _Not. The. Notice._ **

Even after all that had just transpired between the two, _ that _was what Anne was worrying about?

‘Anne…’ he warned.

Hadn’t he gotten through to her the last time? 

_ I love you. _

This had gotten past the point of being amusing, now he was becoming seriously concerned. He had to put a stop to this madness.

‘Where is it? Is it on the board? I have to…’ Anne turned her head behind her, leaning back over towards the board, all of which were the _ worst _ things she could have done for her spine.

‘Anne? _ Anne, _’ he held her face in his hands sternly, ‘This is getting ridiculous. This needs to stop right now’.

He could have sworn he saw the relief in her eyes and it made his heart ache.

_ My love. _

‘Gilbert, you know? You know about everything? Oh thank goodne - ’

‘Anne, I love you’.

The statement was so painfully obvious to him that it felt almost silly to say aloud, akin to acknowledging the sky as blue or the month as March. It still felt wonderful to get it out, though, a relief to finally verbalise it.

‘Gilbert, _ no’, _

‘Anne, please. You need to let me finish’.

Anne was obviously worried he was changing the subject. She was not going to let go of the notice. Not until he, presumably, showed it to her. Well, if she wanted the notice, that’s what she was going to get, but not before he got all he needed to say on the matter out of the way.

‘I know this notice is important to you. I have it here’, he retrieved the oh-so esteemed note from inside his satchel, gripping it firmly between his index and middle finger. 

He saw Anne’s face change immediately, a newly predatory glint in her eyes. It was almost unnerving. 

‘Gil - ’ she tried to make a grab for it.

‘Anne’, he kept the notice_ far _ away from her reach, by now very concerned, ‘I’m going to post this notice for you. Because you want it. And because it’s the proper thing to do. Because, Anne, goodness _ Anne’, _ he gave an exasperated sigh in complete incredulity, almost laughing at the absurdity of it all. ‘Anne, I’m in love with you’.

What sweet relief the admission gave him, he could say those words forever.

‘I’ve loved for as long as I can remember. This notice - it’s just a piece of paper. I understand how important it is to you, that’s why I’m posting the darn thing in the first place. I know we need to take all the different steps of a proper courtship, and I know this is one of them. You deserve it and I would never try to take that away from you. But - but you seem to be so _ fixated _ on it, when in the grand scheme of everything - of everything I feel for you - ’ his voice broke slightly, as he became overwhelmed with emotion. 

He wanted to get this right, but no matter what he couldn’t seem to find the words. His delivery was far from ideal, and it was all coming out in a bizarre rush. Why was it so hard to express what he felt? He stared at the ground, panting, before finding the courage to continue.

‘Please, Anne, you have to know - I’m yours. Now and forever, I always have been and I always will be. Ever since you whacked me over the head -’ 

The memory pulled a throaty, emotional laugh out of him. All choked up, he was struggling to keep himself together. Tears were beginning to well up in his eyes. He made sure to keep himself in control, sniffing and then carrying on.

‘- there was only you. I’ve got my mother’s ring at home. It’s already yours, as soon as you want it, Anne. The truth is, I can’t believe you’re getting so worked up over a piece of paper. Don’t you see how gone I am? I’m not going to change my mind, not now and not ever. You’re the only one I want. There will never be anyone for me but you’.

There it was, all laid out on the table. There was no going back now.

He looked up at Anne and was pleased to find her without retort, almost in shock at his ardour. Perhaps he should have said all this at the start, it would have saved her so much unnecessary worry. He took the chance to reassure her some more, now, his emotions having calmed, able to articulate his feelings properly.

‘My promise to you is this, Anne. I am yours. Now and forever, Anne-girl’. 

He smiled to himself, since he was her “Gil” she should at least get to be _ his _“Anne-girl”. 

‘I’ll let everyone know with the “Take-Notice”, of course. But this is just an announcement for everyone else. It doesn’t change anything for us. It’s utterly_ insignificant _ for us. I could get rid of it, burn it to a crisp right now, and it wouldn’t make any difference. Nothing would change’. 

He was joking about the burning part, of course, he knew he’d be lucky to escape with his life if he pulled a trick like that.

‘I’ll begin escorting you home as soon as the notice is posted. I’ll ask permission from Matthew and Marilla soon after that. We won’t have to wait long to make things official. I promise you that, my love. It will be as soon as possible’.

He didn’t want to scare her, but he already had every single detail planned out in his head, right down to the proposal in his family orchard. He was going to offer her an apple, a witty throwback to the day they met. Said apple would be sharply sliced and firmly pressed together to make it seem whole. It would fall apart in Anne’s hands to reveal his mother’s ring in the hollowed middle. Just the thought of it was making him all giddy. He couldn’t _ wait. _

‘This - ’ Gilbert began, before abruptly pulling his hand further up as Anne snatched for the notice once again. _ ‘This _ notice - ’ he teasingly continued, smirking. ‘ - doesn’t change anything. Everything I feel for you still stands, with or without it. This is merely another step I have to take until we can be together for good’. 

He couldn’t stay seriously bothered about her notice-obsession for long. Her eagerness about the whole thing was, admittedly, _ extremely _ adorable. 

He scooped her up in his arms and carried her over to the board. He was sure that this was another “Take-Notice” rule he was breaking, but it wasn’t fair on either of them to keep it waiting any longer. And what was more romantic than carrying Anne over, _bridal_-style, before making his declaration? He smiled smugly, now completely convinced that he’d exceeded her expectations. 

‘Gil, please’.

_ You’ll see it soon, love. _

‘Let me show you just how much I love you’. 

He wished he could have kissed her then and there, but she was desperate that this notice be on the board and needs must.

Reluctantly, he put her down, making sure she was firm on her feet before nailing in the notice. It took three strikes to get it in firmly and Gilbert breathed a sigh of relief once it was all done and over with. 

_ **“Anne Shirley-Cuthbert would make the perfect wife, for none other than a certain Gilbert Blythe”.** _

It looked even better amongst all the other frivolous scrawl, even _ more _meaningful, and he at once turned to look at Anne with eager eyes.

Her reaction was even more than he could have hoped for, eyes wide and mouth agape, she was _ speechless. _

‘I _ told _ you that you didn’t need to worry - _ Anne!'_

All he could do was exclaim her name in horror as she ripped the notice from the board in what could only be described as a frenzied attack.

Gilbert felt a small piece of himself come away.

_ She didn’t like it. _

‘Anne…’ he said her name again, still in shock.

_ She didn’t like it. _

He’d read everything all wrong. Perhaps he _ should _ have stuck with the first one.

‘I-I have another one right here - another three actually’, startled and flustered, Gilbert clumsily searched through his satchel.

‘Gilbert, you can’t post for me’.

He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. After everything,_ now _Anne seemed to...get it? Get that the notice didn’t really matter at all. 

He felt...shocked...relieved...and…_ sad _...all at the same time. 

Was...was he…

_ Disappointed? _

** _Hurt?_ **

Why was he feeling like this? Wasn’t this what he’d wanted? To convince Anne that the “Take-Notice” wasn’t important? 

But...it was just that...he’d worked so hard on it and, well, _ dammit _, he’d been looking forward to seeing her excited reaction.

‘O-of course, if that’s what you want. We can begin courting withou - ’

‘Gilbert, I need you to post for Ruby’.

Well, that certainly came out of nowhere. Automatically, his upper lip twitched in revulsion.

What was she talking about? Why would he…?

‘Ruby? _ Ruby Gillis? _ What - ’

Was Ruby Gillis worried about someone not posting for her, then, was that it? Was Anne acting as a concerned friend? 

‘You need to post for her, rewrite this again but change the name’, she said, holding his words out in front of him. ‘Say that _ she’d _ make the perfect wife. Please, Gilbert, _ please’. _

Was Anne having a joke? She had to be, and she needed to cut it out _ right now _ because she wasn’t exactly being very funny.

‘What?’ 

He didn’t recognise his voice, it had all of a sudden become abnormally high.

‘It was never meant to go this far. Please, Gilbert, I need you to post for Ruby. I always meant for you to post for Ruby. Never me’. 

_ Never me. _

_ Never me. _

_ Never me. _

_ Never me. _

_ Never me. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everybody who's only here for fluff, please get off at this station! Thank you for chosing my fanfic! As for the rest? Choo, choo, all aboard the angst train!
> 
> I'm irrationally upset with Anne, even though she has no idea about Gilbert's true feelings. Gilbert worked HARD on that notice and he was so EXCITED about it and he was PROUD of it and that HURT him. 
> 
> But, oh boy, it will seem like childsplay when you see what's to come.
> 
> AND GUYS. Last episode?? I had a mini breakdown when Anne's note got lost. Ka'kwet and her family's storyline broke me. And that revelation about Bash's father? I was so shaken. I have no idea how they're gonna tie everything together in just one more episode tbh.
> 
> Please, please, I cannot stress this enough, if you liked this chapter, PLEASE comment and tell me why! Your comments are my motivation and they make me so happy. You have no idea.
> 
> Here are some of the songs I listened to while writing this chapter (can you tell Gil's in love?):
> 
> My Love - Sia  
Heart - Sleeping At Last  
Turning Page - Sleeping At Last  
Rose's Theme - James Horner  
Claire De Lune - Claude Debussy  
Dance Of The Swans - Tchaikovsky
> 
> Edit: Oh! And one more thing. Gilbert in no way, shape or form ever hurt Anne or even scared her. He's just a protective, lovesick fool who's worried he's scared her. You just have to read Anne's chapter to see that all he did was hold her arms to stop her from moving and hitting him. This boy is just...something else.


	5. i failed to see it from the start, and tore you open 'til the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BEWARE: ANGST BELOW (RUSHED AND POORLY WRITTEN ANGST BUT STILL ANGST)
> 
> I owe you all an explanation for abandoning you when you've all been nothing but lovely and supportive of me and this terrible fic. I don't deserve any of you tbh. I love you all so much, even though I've done a very poor job of showing it. My last update was on the 19th of November, before the cancellation. I've been on twitter since then and still am. I've also been a real hypocrite because I've been devouring other people's fics and begging them to update whilst ignoring my own unfinished one. The truth is I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY CANCELLED MY SHOW. I've been absolutely heartbroken and I know you all are too. I've been too upset to write. This show was everything to me and, quite literally, one of the few things that provided my serotonin. I'll never forgive them for taking it away. But what we NEED, what we ALL NEED, is fanfiction to soothe our broken little hearts, and I now fully intend to do my part. That's something they can never take away.
> 
> Please don't be disappointed with this update, I know it's not great, but I couldn't wait any longer.

An immense relief washed over Anne, spilling over her and instantly ridding her of all her anxiety and guilt. She felt lighter than ever before, as if a million balloons had attached their strings to her body in an effort to pull her feet from the ground. She was almost overwhelmed with the sweet freedom of it all.

Of course, Gilbert remained very shocked, he would do for a moment or two still. It was a surprise, after all, especially since she had let it all play out for this long, but soon he would snap out of his trance like state and go back to normal. Once the realisation of the misunderstanding had kicked in, everything would be alright again. Nobody would ever have to know what had occurred that afternoon and  _ everything  _ would go back to normal. Ruby would remain none the wiser! Gilbert would post about her instead, just as he would have done if Anne had corrected him. The outlandish idea that he had feelings for her would be out of his head as quickly as it was put in. All would be as it should.

_ Any moment now. _

** _Any_ ** _ moment... _

_ In just a few seconds, then… _

_ And... _ ** _now!_ **

_ In...a minute? _

What on earth was going on?

Gilbert just stared at the ground, mouth open and brows slightly furrowed, his eyes shiny and unblinking. His breathing was growing more intense and laboured, hitched with the strangest of noises. The entire thing was extremely worrying and Anne’s heart began to race.

Something wasn’t right.

_ 'Oh', _

A frightening gasp escaped him and Anne watched as he stumbled back. She instinctively reached out for him, his note falling from her grasp.

'Gilbert…' she began, but his name left her in barely a whisper and she found herself unable to speak a word more.

His head shook as he continued to trip backward, his face changing every second as different emotions passed. Panicking, Anne tried her best to identify each as it flashed by. 

Confusion...anger...disbelief?

Pain? Denial? 

What was going on?

Anne’s heart had slowed down a great deal, but now she could feel each painful thump in her chest, which was oh  _ so _ much worse. 

'Oh,  _ oh!' _

Gilbert continued to gasp, gulp and grunt, she could tell he was attempting to steady himself. He was shaking his head too, as if participating in some sort of mental argument. It was one of the most bizarre and frightening things that Anne had ever witnessed. The very sight of it was enough to leave her feeling short of breath as well.

'Gilbert? Gilbert!' she begged desperately, but it did no good, whether he was purposefully choosing to ignore her or simply couldn’t hear, her pleas fell on deaf ears.

_ 'No, no, no, no, no, no…' _

He clutched his stomach as he mumbled to himself, his face now unnaturally pale. Anne was becoming desperate with worry.

'Gilbert?' she pressed on, trying her best to stay calm and control the alarm in her voice.

Trembling ever so slightly, he stopped his retreat and stood frozen still, his eyes growing wide as he groaned.

'Please…' the voice that spoke was broken and nothing like his own, it instead eerily resembled that of a young child. 

Anne was beginning to feel extremely nauseous.

'Gilbert?! Gilbert,  _ please!' _ she was screaming now, her throat thick, newly formed tears running down her face in terror. 

It was no use, he turned to his left, towards the brook, mouth open and eyes wet.

_ 'No' _ , his voice was low and thick as he argued with the air, shaking his head in protest.

He leaned forward, as if he were reaching out for something she couldn’t see, as if trying to catch onto something, anything, for leverage, but there was nothing there to help him. Instead, Gilbert’s fingers passed through the air and he fell by the brook. He caught himself with his forearms, resting his full weight on them. The sounds of both his hands meeting the hard ground and the force of his weight on his wrists were painful to hear, and the sight of it even more distressing to watch. 

This wasn’t real. It couldn’t be.

_ This isn't real _

_ It's not real, Anne, it's okay, it's  _ ** _not_ ** _ real.  _

_ It's. Not. Real _ .

This wasn't happening. It couldn't be. Not here, not now, not with Gilbert Blythe.

Gilbert's back was hunched over with his head tipped downward as he panted and heaved into the water.

He was going to be sick.

Anne’s mouth fell open and an ugly cry escaped her, hideous, guttural and animalistic, like nothing she’d ever heard before. 

It was only a few moments later that Anne realised there was no sound coming from her mouth at all. 

The sound had come from the boy kneeling by the brook.

The sound had come from Gilbert Blythe.

At this, her entire body convulsed involuntarily, and, as she gasped in reaction, something seemed to snap. The world, all of a sudden, became real again. The cruel wind came back to batter her, mercilessly whipping her face and freezing her tears. The grey of the atmosphere had turned dramatically darker in a matter of seconds, and, as the world turned cold, Anne was both fully and brutally met with the reality of the situation. Here she was, an hour past her expected arrival home, injured, out in the cold and grey with Gilbert Blythe. 

But he wasn’t Gilbert, not the Gilbert she knew.

Her hand flew to her mouth.

_ What have I done? _

_ What have I done, what have I done, what have I done? _

_ I’ve hurt him, I’ve hurt Gilbert Blythe, how - ? _

_ How on  _ ** _earth?_ **

Anne remained, for the longest time, paralysed with shock.

There was no way...

How could she have done this? How could she have been so  _ blind? _

_ Gilbert...not Gilbert.  _ ** _My_ ** _ Gilbert...no, please  _ ** _no_ ** _ . _

She'd hurt him, she hadn't meant to but she'd hurt him...and now... _ now _ ...

Worse still, Anne knew deep down that she'd done far more than hurt him. What she’d done was an unspeakable evil. 

She'd done something of which she would never be able to take back.

An ominous revelation came over her, and Anne knew then and there that nothing was ever going to be the same again.

Now  _ she _ was the one who was going to be sick.

She waited as Gilbert retched and gagged by the stream. The sounds were ugly and unbearable and Anne's body shook violently with each one. It was the waiting that was the worst part. She wanted to scream at him to just do it already, to get it over with, for she couldn't handle it anymore.

_ What have I done? _

After an eternity of torment listening to the harrowing sounds, of waiting and waiting, oh the excruciating  _ waiting, _ Gilbert wasn't sick after all. His dry heaving turned to small choking noises and then went back to heavy breaths. 

Legs still shaking slightly, yet no longer unstable, he stood himself up, fists clenched, his broad shoulders slowly moving up and down beneath the red of his coat. She noted his height and how the red contrasted with his dark curls somewhat beautifully. She had never allowed such intrusions to linger in her mind for long, but now she had no willpower left to stop them from burgeoning. 

This boy was beautiful. 

How could she hurt such a beautiful boy?

She hated herself.

Gilbert said nothing as he collected himself and withdrew from the brook save for a few sniffs and grunts. Anne wept silently as she watched him pick up his fallen cap, unable to remove her gaze from the broken boy before her. Oh how she yearned for him, how every single part of her positively ached for him in this moment. She wanted,  _ needed _ , to see his face, but he wouldn't look at her.

Ignoring her completely, Gilbert marched over to the board to collect his discarded satchel, swinging it over his shoulder in one smooth motion. Without a moment's break, he began to move away from the schoolhouse.

'Gilbert -'

_'Don't_ _-', _he warned, snapping at her venomously, his bloodshot eyes meeting hers for a fraction of a second.

She immediately complied with his request, recoiling her hand and keeping her feet fixed. It was unlike her, so  _ very _ unlike her, but she would do anything to prevent him from any further distress.

Anne could see his gloved hand travel down his face as he contemplated. When he finally spoke again, he refused to face her.

'I'm going to go get Matthew. You'll need the buggy to bring you home. Stay here', Gilbert instructed her without a hitch. 

There was no love in his voice. In fact, it was devoid of any emotion whatsoever.  _ Cold _ . Any of the previous tenderness and affection she had once enjoyed were long gone. 

'Don't move', he ordered, 'otherwise you'll cause yourself even more damage. I'll try to get there quick, you shouldn't have to wait long. The last thing we need is you wandering about and worsening what already is. Stay where you are and don't cause any more trouble'.

Anne nodded dumbly, before realising he couldn't see her.

'Y-yes. Yes', she agreed. He could have asked her to jump off of the cliffside and she would have done so most readily and willingly.

She saw him nod in acknowledgment before fixing his cap on his head, his perfect curls disappearing from her view. She was at once overwhelmed by the urge to wrap her arms around him, knock off his cap, rake her fingers through his hair and bring his lips to her's. 

She  _ longed _ for him, longed for every part of him, she longed for his touch, his breath on her face, but most potent of all, she longed for his warmth.

She just wanted to be in his arms again.

She wanted it back so much, oh so  _ very _ much, more so than anything else in the world, but Anne knew she could never have it back again.

Anne's eyes never left him for a second as he walked away. For a moment, she was caught off guard by how swiftly he passed the fallen log where just minutes before they'd been in one another's arms, and he, professing love. It was impossible to believe that the event had taken place so recently. It seemed a world away, almost like a different lifetime. And yet there her woolen cap still lay, acting as the sole evidence of the events that had transpired.

How she wished she could turn back time. She would give anything,  _ do _ anything.

When he was out of sight, Anne finally allowed her tears to flow freely and she regained a better view of her surroundings. Out of the corner of her eye, she spied something white flying about dangerously near the brook.

_ No _

Anne wiped her eyes and sniffed determinedly as she, in spite of Gilbert's instructions and the  _ ridiculous _ amount of pain it caused her, ran over with everything she had. She tripped and fell to her knees, landing on the exact spot Gilbert had knelt, catching the precious parchment between the tips of her index and middle finger just before it hit the water. 

Anne choked out a tearful laugh of relief, observing that the words written there remained unobscured.

** _"Anne Shirley-Cuthbert would make the perfect wife for none other than a certain Gilbert Blythe"._ **

Pressing the note firmly to her heart, Anne sank to the ground. She willingly welcomed the next round of fresh hot tears that blinded her, taking solace in the irrational hope they would make everything disappear.

Oh, the cruel irony of it all.

_ Who would have thought?  _

_ Who in the world could have predicted that Anne Shirley-Cuthbert would be a heartbreaker? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have no idea how terrible I feel for keeping you all waiting for so long, without even an explanation, just to give you such a short chapter. Not only is it short, but it isn't even good. However, I couldn't leave this fic without an update any longer. I promise, the next chapter will be better and more up to usual standard. Please keep in mind that I haven't written anything since my last update, so this update is of very mediocre quality in comparison to my usual work.
> 
> I will never leave you guys again, I will never stop writing again and I WILL carry on this fic in a part 2 where I'm gonna rewrite S3 according to this change. I LOVE YOU.
> 
> Songs I listened to while writing this chapter:
> 
> My Dearly Beloved - Yoko Shimomura  
Sorry - Halsey  
Melancholy - Alexey Kosenko


	6. opened my eyes, it was only just a dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was very painful to write, but let's go!

When Gilbert was six years old he’d been kicked by his colt. He’d been brushing the horse and had carelessly wandered behind him, despite his father having told him a million times not to. He’d been exceptionally lucky, being just far enough away for the impact not to cause any serious damage. His father had been furious with worry, he still remembered the tears streaming down John Blythe's petrified face, shouting and shaking him, before almost crushing him in a violent embrace. The impact of the hooves against his stomach had hurt, Gilbert remembered, it had hurt a lot, but what had _ really _ stuck with him was the unrivalled terror of being unable to breathe. 

Gilbert had never known that terror again, not until now, not until twelve years later, not until this moment, here, with Anne.

Anne.

What…? What was she saying? This wasn’t right. This made no sense. 

_ No _ . It _ wasn’t _ right. It was all _ wrong _ . What was she talking about? Anne had wanted him to post for _ her _ . She’d recommended the very idea to him that morning. Why _ else _ would he be participating in such a thing? She’d made it as clear to him as possible.She couldn’t have been asking about Ruby, she couldn - 

_ 'Oh -' _

Gilbert gasped, stumbling back, shaking his head in fierce denial.

He saw Anne reach out and faintly heard her call his name, but his audible surroundings were soon replaced by an intense ringing in his ears as he turned numb and the world around him began to spin.

_ No. _

_ No, no, no, no. _

He tried to wrestle with his mind as the missing puzzle pieces began to fit together against his will.

_ No. no, no, no, _ ** _no._ **

_ Please, no. _

_ Please. _

** _Please._ **

He pleaded with his mind, against all logic and reason, but it was no use.

He remembered Anne broaching the topic of the Take Notice Board, but in this new, foreign context, he was reminded that she’d never mentioned herself. He’d just assumed.

'Oh, _ oh!' _

_ No, please, no. _

_ Please. _

Anne had gone back to someone, he swept through his memory to try and catch the identity of the person. 

He knew who it was, but his mind wouldn’t let him accept it. 

_ No. _

_ 'No, no, no, no, no, no'. _

A physical sickness had come over him and he clasped his churning stomach.

Anne’s horror at him approaching her read so differently now. No...no, it _ wasn't _ true. She couldn’t have thought he'd read things wrong, it didn't make any sense, there was no way. If that was the case, and she had known, then she would have...

_ No. _

_ No. _

** _No._**

** _Please._ **

He was begging his mind to stop. He wouldn’t be able to take it. He couldn’t.

He stopped, appealing to God with a silent prayer, _ begging _ Him not take it away.

'Please…' he pleaded pathetically.

_Please let me have this. I've lost everything. Please let me keep her. Please let me have this _**_one_** **_thing_**_._

But it was too late, it all came rushing in, like water through a broken dam, and he was powerless to stop it.

Anne had known. He'd taken it all the wrong way and Anne had known the whole time. 

The whole time, goodness, _ the entire time _, Anne had known.

Anne's fretting, her worry, her palpable anxiety, it wasn't about "getting to know you" and it wasn't about her _ wanting _ the "Take-Notice", it had been about her vehemently trying to stop it from taking any material form.

It had been her trying to stop him.

Anne hadn't been calling out for him out of fear he wasn't going to post, it had been out of fear that he already _ had. _

Anne hadn't been running back for him, she'd been running back to remove his notice from the board.

And, perhaps most painful of all, Anne’s desire for the note was never a fervent wish for their courtship to commence, but a burning desire to be rid of it.

That’s what it all was. That’s what everything had been.

_ 'No…' _ he sounded like a stubborn child refusing to surrender a possession as his fingers extended outward.

It was all fading away, their future, together, vanishing into the mist. He reached out further still, trying to catch something, anything, to keep with him. His red headed bride ran away, too quick to catch, her veil stolen by the wind, until she was one with the fog, leaving him far behind. Their home, their family, _ everything _ he’d conjured in his mind, it was all disappearing before him, dissolving right through his fingertips.

The children were the last to go. One by one they skipped into the mist, laughing as they went, following the tune of some invisible pied piper. As if sensing his distress, the last child, the one with the reddest hair and the most freckles, the one he loved the most, _ his _ little girl, turned around. She smiled right at him, a large toothy grin, holding out her tiny hand as an invitation to join them all in their paradise. 

She was already disappearing as he lurched forward to catch her. By the time he hit the ground she was gone, lost to him forever.

He held his weight up by his forearms and dry heaved into the brook.

Anne_. _

_ Anne. _

He'd lost her. He'd lost her the same day he'd gotten her.

_ She was never yours_.

It hadn’t been real, none of it, not _ any _ of it. Every single thing, Anne’s affection for him, her longing for a future together, her endearing impatience for him to post about her, none of it had been real. It had all been in his head, he’d twisted the truth to fit into his own fantasy. 

He’d made it up. 

He heaved and panted wildly, preparing himself to be sick in the stream. But what came out instead was a jarring cry of anguish, shocking even to himself. Although having always prided himself on his in check emotions and composure, Gilbert found himself unable to care anymore. He had to let it out, at least just this once, for he knew the grief would destroy him otherwise.

Once he’d let the pain out, he fully let the retches take control and willed himself to be sick. He kept trying until the convulsions subsided, but the most he was able to produce was an excess of thick saliva. He choked and panted laboriously, spitting into the stream three times before forcing himself up, wiping his mouth and chin with his arm.

His hands were balled into fists as he tried to steady his panting. He gathered his cap as slowly as he could, for he would have to eventually turn around. _ She _ was behind him and had seen it all. She had seen everything.

He kept a straight face and refused to meet her eye as he walked towards the board, in an attempt to hide his humiliation. He couldn't _ bear _ to give her the satisfaction.

No, it was far worse than that, he could hear her soft cries of pity. She was feeling sorry for him and he _ hated _ it.

He could practically hear her thoughts through his pounding ears:

_ "Poor pathetic Gilbert, thinking I wanted him, wanted a life with him, a future. Did he really think I wanted him to post about me? How sad! I never meant for things to go this far, but goodness me, what was he expecting? Did he have it all planned out in his head? Oh _ ** _dear_ ** _ ". _

Was this just a game to her? Did she even stop to think about anyone else other than herself? It was sick. _ She _ was sick. 

Disgusted and determined, Gilbert notalently grabbed and adjusted his satchel**, **apathetic to her presence. 

_ I don't mean anything to you? Well, you certainly mean nothing to me. _

'Gilbert -'

_ Don't you dare_.

_ 'Don’t - ' _he snapped at her in warning, meeting her eyes for a split second. It took everything in him to keep the tears in, but he wouldn’t let her see him cry. No matter what, he wouldn’t let that happen. She'd already taken everything from him, he wouldn't give her that as well. She wouldn't take away his dignity.

He turned away at once, shaking.

His intense love had, at some point in the madness, been replaced by intense anger. The girl who stood behind him, once the object of his affection, was now the object of his loathing.

He clenched his fists as he tried to calm himself down. Goodness, he was _seething_.

She was _ not _ an innocent, not in any of this. She could have taken _ any _ of the given opportunities she'd had during the past seven hours to correct him and had chosen not to. 

She'd let him think…

...she'd let him _ believe_.

It was just like her, so selfish, so unfathomably _ heartless _ . But that's exactly who she was, so utterly lacking in regard for him and his pain. Just like she had been when his father had passed. Was that what she was thinking now? That he was ** _lucky?_ ** Lucky she hadn't led him on for even longer? He was sick and tired of it all, and, most especially, he was sick and tired of her. She didn't care about him, he'd certainly taken notice of _ that _, so why on earth should he give a damn about her? Why in the world was he spending all this time, effort, pain and energy on a girl who treated him, and everything he felt, like nothing?

That was just it, she didn't care. She didn't care and he'd had enough.

He'd absolutely had enough.

Gilbert exhaled in exhaustion, dragging his hand down his face as he considered what the next step would be. She couldn't walk home, not like this, and he couldn't go ahead with the previous plan for obvious reasons. Everything had changed.

'I’m going to go get Matthew. You’ll need the buggy to help bring you home. Stay here'.

He couldn’t look at her. He knew he wouldn’t be able to keep it together if he did.

'Don't move', he wasn't asking, he knew what she had to do to prevent further injury and she was going to listen, 'otherwise you'll cause yourself even more damage. I'll try to get there quick, you shouldn't have to wait long'.

His voice was utterly detached, completely devoid of any feeling.

'The last thing we need is you wandering about and worsening what already is. Stay where you are and don't cause any more trouble'.

A few minutes before would have had him chuckling at Anne's stubborn nature and proclivity to rebel. Now he saw it as an annoyance, a burden, a frustrating hindrance to anything that would and should be simply done.

He was already waiting for her answer and, frankly, didn't have the time. If she was going to try arguing with him again - 

'Y-yes. Yes', she surprised him with a passive submission.

He nodded at the confirmation. She must have sensed that he wasn't going to offer her any patience.

_ Good._

Now having a better hold over his emotions, he put on his cap, he buried his hands in his pockets and, with jaw locked and eyes set as far off in the distance, he walked away.

****

It still hadn't sunk in, everything was still so fresh and raw. He’d gone from his greatest high to his greatest low, he’d had everything and lost it all in the same day. And her, _ her _, he'd first loved and now detested her. All this in the span of seven hours.

He felt like screaming again, but had enough sense left in him to know that it was far from appropriate. He was a whirlwind of intense emotion, of everything but love. There was no room for any love for her, not anymore, just pure and furious disdain.

By the time he got to the woods, a great surge of adrenaline had him running. He needed to get away, he needed to get as far away as possible, from the memories of it all, of _ her _, and the quicker he got word to the Cuthberts the sooner he could be alone.

The beginnings of a stitch had him doubled over barely after he'd passed through their gate. Somewhat embarrassed, he raised his head and squinted about.

Matthew was nowhere to be seen, but he could just about spy Marilla who was busy indoors wiping the kitchen windows. She met his eye and at once came rushing out, clutching a rag that smelled so pungent of vinegar that he had to suppress a gag. All these small sensory things, that would have previously never affected him in the slightest, had all of a sudden become overwhelming. Gilbert knew he wouldn't last long without breaking down.

'Gilbert! Have you seen - Gilbert? Gilbert, are you alright? Where's Anne?'

Gilbert nearly choked at the sound of her name, he only realised then that he'd been avoiding it. The mention of it came as a slap in the face. It would have been less painful if Marilla had whipped his bare skin with the wet rag.

'A - ' he gulped, knowing he had to get it out. He took a deep breath. 'Anne fell and injured her tailbone. She needs help getting home', he silently congratulated himself, impressed by his display of composure.

'Injured? Oh my word! Dear heavens, Gilbert! Tell me now, is she hurt badly?' Marilla demanded, 'Of course she is, I can tell by your face! I have to go to her, where is she?' her lip had begun to quiver somewhere during her tirade of questioning, by now the picture of distress.

It was all becoming too much. He needed to leave _ now_.

'She’s fine', he managed, 'S-she's still at the schoolhouse. But she does need help getting home. See that Matthew brings the buggy'.

_ 'Buggy?' _ Marilla cried, 'Gilbert, just how _ hurt _ is she?' she had lost control of her voice and looked about ready to shake him at any moment. 'I'll go get Matthew! Gilbert, come, you must travel with us. We'll need you.' 

His facade was forming cracks and he could feel the tears coming back again. He had to get away.

'I'm sorry, I-I have to go, excuse me', he backed away, knocking into the gate. 

'Wait! Gilbert, wait! Stay here!' Marilla called out after him, but he was already hurrying off.

'I have to go!' his voice broke.

_ Shoot_.

'Matthew? _ Matthew!' _ Marilla shrieked. He heard the sound of the rag hitting the ground as Marilla ran to alert her brother.

And as Marilla ran, Gilbert did so three times faster in the opposite direction home.

He practically kicked the door of his house open, inhaling sharply and clutching his stitch. A stunned Mary, who had been busy cooking dinner with Delphine on her back, opened her mouth to speak. Gilbert held out his hands in front of him, as both a warning and a plea.

_ 'No_, Mary, _ no', _ he begged desperately as he tried to catch his breath. 

She heeded his words, her alarmed face simply nodding in response.

He gulped gratefully, giving her a small nod of thanks, before bounding up the stairs.

Gilbert slammed his bedroom door so brutally that it caused Mary to gasp all the way from below. He felt a pang of guilt for a second before his misery engulfed him entirely. He slid down his door and tore at his hair, a tear sliding down his nose as he scrunched up his whole face and sobbed raggedly. 

His sobs turned to hissing as he started to breathe heavily through his teeth.

_ 'Gah!' _ he picked himself up, kicking the door with his heel and pacing about his room. He was searching for something to throw, something to break, and the still sensible part of himself knew he needed to be careful in choosing the unlucky object.

Through the sea of red mist, a certain small book caught his eye. A pocket sized volume of Emily Brontë's _ Wuthering Heights. _ The bookstore clerk in Charlottetown had suggested the purchase when Gilbert had shared with him _ her _ favourite book, Jane Eyre. He had planned to give it to her tomorrow.

Without a second thought, he hurled the volume against the wall. The delicate spine broke and it fell flat on the ground leaving a dent in its wake.

_ I'm done with her. I'm done for good. _

Gilbert snivelled, waiting for some sort of satisfaction or relief, but the action had done nothing to alleviate any suffering. Instead, he just felt empty.

He kicked off his shoes and lay down on his bed. He groaned, he swore and he cried. He cried and he cried and he cried. He cried for what was and what wasn't, but most of all he cried for what never would be.

One hour and a throbbing headache later, Gilbert heard Mary and Bash whispering downstairs. It sounded as if Mary was giving her husband a run down on the situation and trying to deter Bash from disturbing him. Gilbert hoped, both for Bash's sake and his own, that he would listen to his wife. 

Luckily, Bash heeded Mary's advice and kept away. Half an hour or so passed before Gilbert heard Mary's light footsteps on the stairs, the sound of china and cutlery clinking with each movement. 

She gently knocked on his door, and he held his breath while his whole body stiffened.

'Gilbert…' Mary said softly, 'I've got your dinner here. I'm just going to leave it out'. She set down the tray, leaving him in peace.

Thank goodness for Mary, she was nothing short of an angel.

He snuck outside and collected his evening meal, greedily tucking into the comforting bread and broth as he realised his own hunger, before setting the tray back outside and once again crawling into bed. His clothes were still on and he hadn't even washed his face, but he was far too exhausted to care. His eyelids were heavy and he at once welcomed the sleep that overtook him. 

Perhaps the events of today would turn out to be nothing but a nightmare.

  
  


****

  
  


_ 'Blythe?' _

Bash's voice, paired with several sharp knocks, roused him from his sleep. It brought everything back instantly, including both what had transpired the day before _ and _ the duties expected of him _ this _ day. 

It was Saturday and Dr Ward was anticipating his assistance. Gilbert loudly groaned at the realisation. He briefly considered not going just this once. He could blame an illness for his absence next week, Dr Ward would surely understand... 

_ No. _He'd never missed a day of his apprenticeship before and he was _ not _ going to start now. Certainly not on _ her _ account.

He swung round both his legs, got up from his bed and speedily prepared for the day, almost rough in his quick pace. After changing into his suit and scrubbing his face and fingernails, Gilbert strolled across the room with his head held high. He opened the door and a startled Bash jumped back at least two feet.

'Do you want to talk ab - '

_ 'No'._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I - I did warn you that it would be angsty right…?
> 
> Okay guys, I know A LOT of you are going to be very upset with both myself and Gilbert. Listen, I know he may seem OOC but hear me out okay? He's just had his heart ripped out of his chest and he's trying to process the loss and stay sane at the same time. He's angry, he's humiliated and he's heartbroken. Please remember that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference. Not that he hates Anne! But oh boy, does he FEEL like he hates her. 
> 
> I know that you'll also probably be upset and confused by him remembering the "you're lucky" fiasco, and using it as another example of Anne's "selfishness", when he'd already forgiven her. Please remember that that's what happens when you're angry with someone, you remember all of their faults and wrongdoings and are blinded to all their better qualities.
> 
> Never fear, my loves, I'm going to be rewriting S3 following these events. I hope you'll be there to join me. Next installment is coming!
> 
> I'm sure some of you may have questions, especially in regards to Gilbert, so please fire away! 
> 
> Songs I listened to while writing this chapter:
> 
> Just a Dream - Nelly  
You're Beautiful - James Blunt  
So Sick - Ne-Yo  
Melancholy - Alexey Kosenko (again)

**Author's Note:**

> Please follow my tumblr: gilbert-blythe-ruined-my-life


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